Problem rectified!

I got a 3DS charger last Saturday. Nope, it wasn’t the one I ordered from ShopTo. Had to settle for a GAMEware one which cost more than an official one because high street and lack of logic. That, and the fact that there were about 700 trillion people walking around Brighton at the same time basically explains why I never go into town. 😛 Funnily enough, the one I ordered from ShopTo arrived on Tuesday, but it’s just sat at the post office because I don’t need it. Just waiting for them to return it to sender and get a refund. And inevitably I’ll have to send ShopTo an e-mail when they don’t refund me. And then counter their inevitable “no refunds after 7 days of receipt” argument with “I never took receipt of the goods because they were late so fuck you”. 😛  That’s how it’s playing out in my head, anyway. 😛

RIGHT, YES, the console. I’ve played… three games on it now, excluding the AR games I had a go at. My thoughts so far? It’s… almost awesome.

First let me confirm that there has been absolutely zero problems with it despite the fact that it’s an Australian-region 3DS. It acts in exactly the same way as a European 3DS. All the games I bought from the UK work perfectly, the Nintendo Store says it’s for Europe and Australia when you open it for the first time, and StreetPass works, too. 🙂

The only real problem I have with the console is the ergonomics, but it’s such a big problem it almost ruins it. I’ve never had anything that I’ve been unable to play for more than a few hours because of how uncomfortable it is to hold. I played a time attack on Space Invaders Extreme 2, and my hand was starting to go numb by the time I reached the final stage. It only took about 13 minutes. 😛 It’s essentially just a large, unfoldable brick, and the corners of the unfolded brick dig into my palms quite firmly as I’m holding it. It’s fine for a short while, but it starts to hurt eventually.

Another issue is the shortish battery life. I’ve barely played it today, maybe about 3 hours, but it’s already gone through half its battery. So about… 6 hours of battery life? It’s reasonable, it’d definitely last me if I went back home on the train/bus and took it with me. Not like my hands would last that long holding it. 😛

Apart from those things, it’s really good. The 3D effect is still fun yet weird; it’s like peering through a window into a room that isn’t there. 😀 I’ve also gotten to understand the firmware a bit more. It comes bundled with a step counter which awards these “Play Coins” every 100 steps you take in a day, but doesn’t give more than 10 a day. Apparently today I’ve taken 2756 steps, which is pretty eye-opening. I had no idea it takes that many steps to get to work and back. 😀 Of course, I can imagine it’s pretty inaccurate, especially since it’s in my bag. 😛 The Play Coins can be used to unlock AR games or to make progress in StreetPass games. I think that’s all they’re for.

StreetPass is really cool. It’s like the PlayStation Vita’s “near”. Well, apart from StreetPass absolutely obliterates the living turd out of Near. Near only works through WiFi or 3G if you bought that version of the Vita for some reason, and it takes people who were within several miles of your location at some point and tells you what they’ve been playing. As if you care. 😛 StreetPass runs all the time while your device is sleeping (when the cover’s closed) and attempts to communicate with any other 3DS that comes into range.

The firmware has a game which uses StreetPass already built-in, called StreetPass Mii Plaza. The devices exchange Miis and information such as your greeting and where you’re from. When you check your 3DS and open up Mii Plaza, all the Miis belonging to people you passed on the street show up in your plaza. You can then use them in a couple of free mini-games. Puzzle Swap lets you take pieces of an image from Miis you met, with the aim of completing all the images. StreetPass Quest is a mini-RPG where the Miis you met fight through dungeons in a simplistic turn-based RPG, with the aim of rescuing your Mii (who happens to be the king). It’s actually a really fun feature. 😀 The only problem is… finding people is surprisingly hard. I’ve only had 9 StreetPass hits so far, despite the fact I live in a fairly big city. The first day I got no hits at all, and wondered if it was region-locked or something. I actually changed my route to work the next day in an attempt to get more hits, and suddenly got 4 on the way to work. I kept on the same route the next day and got zero. Today I got 5 on the way back from work. Same route, but all completely different people. I have no idea where I’m picking these people up. I have a feeling it’s because I go over a bridge that passes over a train station now. Maybe I picked up some commuters with 3DSs. 😛 If that’s the case, holy crap, not a single one of the ~100 houses I pass twice has a 3DS in there? Not a single person I pass on the street has one, either? Eh, maybe everyone around here is so obsessed with running around and desperately trying not to get fat overnight that treadmills are more popular than video games, or something. Everyone seems to vote Green around here, after all. But the 3DS has a STEP COUNTER! That’s healthy living, right?! 😛

I played the built-in AR games, too. I’m pretty sure AR is already dead in gaming, but these games shit all over the Vita’s offerings. 😛 There’s a target game, which presents a bunch of different interesting arrangements of targets to shoot, and you really have to move the DS around to get some of them. For some reason it culminates with a boss fight against a dragon. 😛 There’s a mini-golf style game, too. That also culminates with a boss fight against a dragon. There’s fishing too. Guess what? It culminates in a YES, boss fight against a dragon! It was pretty funny. I didn’t really expect it in the first and second games, but by the time I got to the third game I was like “Yep, time’s up, where’s the dragon?” 😀

The main problem with these games, though, is that the DS keeps losing track of the AR card as you try to reposition yourself, and it’s insanely intolerant. It wants you to be at a distance of about 30cm. It’s impossible to do that all the time, but getting just a bit too close or moving a bit too far away messes up the AR and/or the 3D. I don’t know exactly what kind of surface it expects you to use. A coffee table is too low, the floor is far too low and it’s super-difficult to move around the card, and a desk or dining table is too large so you can’t manoeuvre around the card very easily. For AR, though, it was pretty fun. Good demo for the 3D, too. 😀

As for the full games, well, the only one I’ve played specifically for the 3DS so far is Super Mario 3D Land. It’s pretty fun, but it’s a bit simplistic and far too easy right now. You start with 4 lives, and I ended up with about 40 by the time I entered World 3. 😛 Haven’t played any levels in World 3 yet. I’ve heard it gets harder, though. 😀

The only other games I’ve played are standard DS games. Professor Layton and the Spectre’s Call, and Space Invaders Extreme 2. This Professor Layton is pretty much like all the others, including my opinion of it. Great story with a bunch of cool mysteries, and nice FMVs with good voicework, too. The puzzles are a mixed bag, yet again. Some are genuinely good, whereas others aren’t explained well enough, are completely subjective or require you to use stupidly obscure methods to get the answer. Like one puzzle where it asks “which key fits in the door” and the answer is a key that definitely doesn’t look like it would fit, but it so happens to be a special key that you have to insert, turn partway, insert further and turn it the rest of the way. It’s not really a puzzle, because I’ve never seen a key like that ever, so I would never get the answer by myself! It’s still a good game, but I’m hoping the newer games at least have some better puzzles.

I’ve played Space Invaders Extreme 2 on DeSmuME (a DS emulator) before. It was so good I just had to have it if I was going to get a real DS. It’s difficult for me to explain why it’s so good in detail. It’s just a combination of the different scoring methods and features, how it uses both screens so effectively, and the epic music, along with how almost every sound is synchronized to the rhythm, and just the energy and feel of the game. And holy shit, that announcer is a god. 😀 It’s just so much fun. It almost feels like an epic game show! 😀 It’s probably best if you see it for yourself. I did record a video of it a long time ago when I played it on DeSmuME, here it is. Just me trying to amass as many points as I could on Stage 1. “YOU MADE IT OUT THIS TIME, BUT THIS ISN’T THE END! IT’S FEVER TIME!!” 😀

All in all, yep, it’s a really good console. Especially for the price I paid. 😀 And hell, it actually has GAMES on it! 😛 Got plenty more games on my list that I need to get, but I’ll play through the ones I’ve got first! 😉

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I guess I made the wrong choice.

Luigi’s Mansion. Super Mario. Professor Layton. Rhythm Paradise. They are but a small selection of games that AREN’T available on the handheld I chose.

I’ve come to the realisation that I made a pretty big mistake.

Way back in… 2012, I think? Maybe even 2011. Anyway, I bought a Vita at least three years ago. I started out really liking the console, but… my “relationship” with it has been on a steady decline ever since. I’ve only just realised how bad it really is. Would you like to know how many PS Vita game cards I own? Four. That’s barely one game a year. Of course, in reality, I also own Pinball Arcade with quite a few tables. Plants vs Zombies is in my collection, too, along with the rather good Super Stardust Delta. I also recently bought Resogun, which is… meh, okay. Hasn’t really blown me away. Oh, and I also own digital copies of Patapon 1 and 2, but they aren’t PS Vita games, so they don’t really count.

But I can’t even remember the last game I bought before Resogun. I think it was LittleBigPlanet PS Vita, but it might’ve been DJ Max Technika Tune. Either way, that was two years ago. Since then, only two games have been released that I kinda-want-but-not-really, Dragon’s Crown and Disgaea 4. Dragon’s Crown looks cool but I don’t think it’ll be that much fun single player. As for Disgaea 4, I’m tempted, but I know it’ll demand far more time that I’m willing to spend. I played the original and really loved the storyline and dialogue, but it was so repetitive that I never played through the entire story, let alone reached the point of insanity where your stats go out of the box and you can do billions of damage and get counter counter counter counter counter counters. 😛

Everything else coming out on the Vita is a joke. It’s got great graphical capabilities and the most features and control options I’ve ever seen on anything, so what’s out for it? Generic JRPGs no-one has ever heard of outside of Japan, and CONSTANT VISUAL NOVELS. I thought that Monster Hunter 4 would be released for it eventually and that would generate some serious attention, but hysterically, they released MH4U on the 3DS, a much weaker and graphically unimpressive console, while we get some really shite knockoff called Freedom Wars, the synopsis of which is impossibly stupid! It doesn’t even make any sense! Capcom has always stuck with Sony when it comes to Monster Hunter, but now they’ve suddenly gone and turned to Nintendo instead! It’s so retarded that I can’t decide whether to laugh or get pissed off!

A couple of days ago, I heard that a new Rhythm Paradise game was in development for the 3DS, and it made me sick as a parrot. I fucking love Rhythm Paradise. I played it on DeSmuME (a DS emulator) a while back after someone mentioned it to me, and it caused me to buy the awfully-named Beat The Beat: Rhythm Paradise on the Wii. Dunno why they didn’t call it Rhythm Heaven Fever like the US version. But who cares about that. It was so good. So goddamn good. It’s probably my favourite game released for the Wii. (No, I didn’t really like Super Mario Galaxy. 😛 )

Because of this news, I went through ShopTo’s stock of 3DS games, and tried compiling a list of games that I want. The total? ELEVEN:

Super Mario 3D Land
Professor Layton and the Azran Legacy
Professor Layton and the Miracle Mask
Kid Icarus Uprising
Luigi’s Mansion 2
New Super Mario Bros 2
Donkey Kong Country Returns
Rhythm Paradise for 3DS
Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney Dual Destinies
Mario & Luigi: Dream Team
Paper Mario: Sticker Star

But that’s not the whole story, oh no. You see, there are an additional six games that I’m not 100% sure on. And if that’s not enough, there’re two standard DS games that were so good that I’d want them on the 3DS to play on the go.

Mario Kart 7 (Maybe)
Super Smash Bros. (Maybe)
Kingdom Hearts 3DS (Maybe)
Kirby Triple Deluxe (Maybe)
Yoshi’s New Island 3DS (Maybe)
Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate (Maybe)
+
Space Invaders Extreme 2 (DS)
Rhythm Paradise (DS)

This list may even be missing some games, because ShopTo don’t stock some games, and some extra games I want may be available on the DS’s marketplace store thing, whatever it’s called. I dunno, I’ve only ever owned a 1st generation DS, and I’ve never accessed it. 😛
Naturally, this list completely exploded my brain. I can’t believe I made such a stupid mistake. It almost feels as if I was tricked. Sure, at launch, the 3DS looked pointless, and its game lineup didn’t really thrill me. I didn’t even realise it was a completely different console for a while. The Vita, on the other hand, broke my “Release Titles I Want” record by tempting me with five games, but I actually only own two of those five, because the other three turned out to be shit. In fact, I didn’t particularly like Wipeout 2048, which was one of the two I bought. But now, with the 3DS rocking SEVENTEEN titles I’m interested in, it makes the Vita look like a complete joke. Hell, it even makes the PS4 and Xbox One look stupid!

After looking at the games, I seriously began to consider getting a 3DS. I looked up the price of the console. Of course, since this is Nintendo, there’re about 74,000 different 3DSs to choose from (okay, four 😛 ), so with Wikipedia’s assistance, I decided the New 3DS XL was probably the best thing to go for. The price? £205, with Monster Hunter 4 Ultimate or Zelda Cheap Re-release Part 7. This was… a bit steeper than I expected, considering its low power and the fact an Xbox One with two games was only £80 more. Of course, those two games were just junky AssAssins Peed games, so… 😛 Anyway, I ended up making a mental note of the price and went to bed.

On Friday evening after work, almost as if someone had been spying on me, a promotion landed in my inbox from ShopTo. £10 OFF 10! it exclaimed. It turned out to be a thing where if you bought any of the ten selected items, you’d get a £10 store credit for each item. Guess what one of the items was? A New 3DS XL. Guess what three of the other items were? 3DS games on the wishlist!

ARRRRRRRRRRRGH!!

I’m this close to giving in and buying it, but I shouldn’t. I really shouldn’t. Why? Well… I don’t know. There’s no real reason apart from the price, but that isn’t even a valid reason. It’s not that expensive when you consider the offer, it’s £240 for the console, a charger (because apparently one isn’t included, *shrug*) and three games, and it’s not like I can’t afford it. (Big shout out to my dislike of alcohol and because the concept of “going out to a pub for fun” makes my brain throw a “does not compute” error. 😛 ) This is probably the reason why I’m writing this entry; I’m attempting to convince myself to get it. 😛

Well, the mulling continues, I suppose. 😛 If anyone out there wants to push me one way or the other, or shoot down any of those games in the list, that’d be swell, so feel free. 😉 For now, though, g’niiiiight! 🙂

UPDATE!!

So, I made a choice. I decided to get one… FROM AUSTRALIA. Bonza!

“Eh, wot?! Why?”

Well, it came with a free kangaroo. Heh. 😛 Naw, I kinda lucked out after… un… lucking out.

See, that promotion at ShopTo was retarded and wasn’t explained clearly enough. It was supposed to expire on the 31st of March. At least, that’s what the terms and conditions in the e-mail appeared to state. However, the reality? The promotion was only on for the weekend. Yyyyyep. I found out when I ordered something and didn’t recieve the credit after quite some time, then re-read the e-mail verrrrrry carefully. The “weekend only” part was only ever mentioned in the friggin’ subject line. I believe the “expiry date March 31st 2015” was relating to the £10 store credit you recieve, not the promotion. Dumbasses. I would’ve cancelled it, but they pack your order far too quickly, so it’s basically impossible to cancel. That, and they take payment immediately without any confirmation. If GAME didn’t suck so much nowadays, I wouldn’t ever use ShopTo again after this.

Y’see, my plan was to order on Sunday, but they have a policy where your first two orders must be delivered to your billing address. Unfortunately, I hadn’t gotten around to changing my billing address, so if I did order, it’d get sent to a place about 150 miles away. 😛 I went about changing my address that afternoon, but there was another problem. Since I live alone and I’m at work from 10 till 6 every weekday, I wanted to get the stuff delivered to my work address. It’s no biggie if the postie attempts to deliver my games to my home address when I’m not there, because there’s a letterbox and my neighbours aren’t douchey. Even if he doesn’t post them through there, picking them up from the post office is easy. However, the console is shipped via courier and requires a signature, and because their depots aren’t easily accessible from where I live, it gets a liiiiittle tricky if they keep turning up when I’m out, which will pretty much always happen. My plan was to order two games in two separate orders, wait for delivery, then change my address and order the console while using the promo credit from the other two games. Simple, but… my bank takes 24 hours to update the address on my account. Hell, it’s been more than that and it still hasn’t updated. The only way I’ve managed to do this is by removing my card from PayPal, leaving only my bank account linked, and setting my new address to my primary address. Then I was able to use PayPal to order and get it delivered to the correct address. Despite the delays and fudging the rules a bit, everything would’ve been perfect if the promotion had just lasted as long as I thought it did.

So yeah. I ended up screwing around changing my bank address, mutilating my PayPal account and waiting 24 hours just to order a game and not receive credit I thought I was gonna receive. Then I couldn’t cancel and would have to return the game at my cost. Fantastic. Just my fucking luck. I felt like I got scammed.

Some time afterwards, though, my luck kinda evened out. After a random search to see if I could get the console for at least a little less and soften the loss a bit, I came across the same console on PlayAsia. The base cost was already low, but it actually had an additional discount, knocking the price down to below £130.

Below £130. *ring ring ring ding whooop whoooop alarm bells*, that’s too good to be true, what’s the catch? Come on, show me the hacker group.” Well, actually, the only catch is that it’s an Australian n3DSXL, and the shipping cost is high-ish. About £14 for basic 3-5 day shipping. But in total, that’s still about £40 below the cost of a European model. And since the Australian model is region-locked to PAL, the same as Europe, it’s pretty much the same thing. What gives?

After a lot of research on the differences between the European and Australian model, I came to the following conclusion: one has a different set of letters to identify it. That’s it. You can set the region to UK, you can sign into the eShop with a UK account, you can play PAL games, it communicates with other 3DSs normally. Even the screens are the right way up. There is no difference at all other than the device ID.

I decided to go for it. Even though pretty much everyone says it’s absolutely fine and it’s identical in functionality, it still feels like a huge risk. If it is fine, though, it’s actually going to be cheaper than the ShopTo promotion I just missed out on. Well… if I buy the same items I was going to from ShopTo, only just. I’m about £3 and a free case better off. 😛 I can’t complain if all goes well, though. It’s been a really lucky save. If I hadn’t found PlayAsia’s offer, I would’ve abandoned the 3DS and waited until there was another offer. 😛

Anyway, I’ll letcha know how it goes, and I’ll talk about the games I got and if they sucked and if this was a big mistake or not. Hopefully everything’ll be alright! 🙂

This console business…

It’s getting pretty boring hearing about it already, y’know. Everyone on Bookface won’t shut the fuck up about these new consoles. My entire feed is plastered with the same thing over and over again. OMG PS4 IS FUCKING COOL SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY THAT XBOX ONE LOL PIECE OF SHIT. Might as well just not look at Facebook for the next 20 weeks, cuz I know exactly what everyone’s going to say. :/

Let’s talk about what I can figure out from the consoles. To start, the Xbox One. It’s like an entertainment system that only just remembered that it should be a games console. First, it’s got Kinect built in, which has shit motion sensing and hugely pointless voice recognition. I don’t know anyone who has Kinect that still uses it. It also has a TV tuner. And I don’t get it. If you have a games console, you have a TV. Most TVs… er… have the ability to receive a TV signal. So why would I plug the aerial into the Xbox? I can’t, anyway, since I don’t have a digibox! My TV has Freeview built-in! 😛

One big issue, though, is this DRM and check-in system that I don’t really understand. You buy the game, but you have to install it to play it, and that game gets registered on your account. Here it gets hazy. If you want to sell your game because you’re done playing through its traditionally modern 3 hour story mode, you might be able to if Microsoft feel like it, but you have to pay a fee… or maybe the person you sell the game to has to pay a fee. Something like that. You also can’t lend the game to your friends, because it’s bound to your account. Don’t have a clue how they’re gonna manage that – maybe the games have product keys or each DVD has an ID number or whatever. So basically, it’s like Steam for consoles.

Sounds pretty gay, but I don’t get what the fuss is about. I don’t know anyone who lends games to their friends any more. And if your friend really does want to play a game they don’t have, there’s normally this thing called a “demo”. Failing that, do what someone I know does on Steam – give them your account password so they can log into your account and play it. What’re Microsoft going to do about that? 😛

The answer is probably this “check-in” system that I really don’t know much about. From what I can gather, you have to keep your console connected to the Internet to play games on it. If you don’t connect to the Internet, you can still play games, but after 24 hours of being disconnected, you can’t play any more until you reconnect. If you’re signed in on a different console, you have to connect every hour. Or something. That sucks.

But then again, does it? Who doesn’t have their console connected to the Internet? Apart from those who don’t have an Internet connection, of course. I haven’t played a game on Xbox Live in years, yet I still keep it connected so I can get updates and shit. What’s the big deal about keeping the new console connected to the Internet? And if we just go back to my idea about letting friends log into your account and play your games… this system won’t entirely stop that. If you unplug your console from the ‘net, and they connect using your account on their console, your friend can play your game uninterrupted. You’ll even be able to play the same game for 24 hours until your console locks you out. But then what do you do? Reconnect, and kick your friend off, then immediately disconnect. The check-in timer is refreshed, and you can keep playing for 24 hours. Duh. 😛

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t like the idea. It’s like a crappier, stricter version of Steam, and it basically allows the console to lock you out. It would especially suck if Xbox Live went down. But I don’t see how it ruins the console. Keep it connected and everything’s okay. Who lends games to friends, anyway? That’s so 90’s. If they wanna play your game so much, invite them over. 😛

The biggest issue for me is the price. The 360 was very, very reasonably priced. You can pick up a pre-owned 250GB Xbox 360 for about £120 now, or a brand new one for £200. And that’s great – it blew the PS3 out of the water. People who didn’t have great deal of money could still play the newest games. But the Xbox One? It’s gonna be £429 at launch.

Ouch.

You see, there’s this games console that’s been around for a hell of a long time, called the “PC”. You can do anything on it. You can change it to look how you want it to look, upgrade any part of it, install anything. You can watch TV on it if you get and install an inexpensive tuner card, and it comes with voice recognition if you really want it. And games are generally £10 cheaper. Problem is, it’s very expensive. And that’s why “dedicated” games consoles exist. Because they’re really only designed to do one thing, play games. Sure, it can play DVDs and stuff, but that’s just a side-effect of the DVD drive in the console harnessed by the software. It can stream pictures and videos from your PC, but again, that’s just in the software. This focus is what makes them cheap.

The Xbox One totally misses the point. It’s designed to do more than play games. You can also watch TV on it, and it’s also a crap exercise machine. Adding these things increases the price. Now, the One is almost as expensive as a basic gaming PC. Yet you still can’t do whatever you want on it, you can’t modify it or upgrade it, and games are still £10 more expensive than PC games.

So, what about the PS4? Well, it appears to be much better. It’s a games console, plain and simple. You put a disc in, and you play the game on it. You don’t have to connect to the Internet and “check in”, and if you still live in the 90’s, you can lend your games to your friends just by handing them the disc. That also means you can trade them in to get back some of the money you wasted on it when you’re done playing their likely shitty single player content. There’s no motion sensor, no voice recognition, and no TV tuner. You can also stream Netflix or LoveFilm to it without paying anything extra, if you’re into that sort of thing. However, Sony’s decided to drop one of its advantages over Xbox. On the PS4, to play games online, you’ll need a PlayStation Plus subscription. But, that does come with additional benefits, such as free games and discounts. With Xbox Live Gold, you get discounts on Arcade games, but very rarely.

And the price? It’s actually a lot less than the cost of a launch PS3 – only* £349 (* not really that cheap). This makes it £80 less than the One, probably because it has no pointless extra features. So you can somewhat understand why people are jizzing these fanboyish posts all over my Bookface wall:

“Sony just kill that Microsoft!!! NO DRM, NO AUTH!!”
“I am clapping so much!!”
“Best news!! :D”
“BEST FUCKING NEWS!! Sony JUST GOT ALL THE CHEER!!!!”
“PS4 £349!!! Oh Sony, why you so nice!!”
“Sony has done nothing wrong. Nothing wrong. :)”
“sony, just take my money, take it all”
“pretty much had multiple orgasms”
“£349 for the PS4? Gutted Microsoft, proper been shat upon well and truly.”
“SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.”
“By the sounds of my facebook everyone is getting ps4 and xbox got shafted with a massive dildo and no one has said they’ll buy it!”
“TAKE THAT XBOX!!! you screwed up big time.”

It’s pretty pathetic.

I’m not a fanboy, and I have no allegiance to any console or any company, unlike some… very strange people. So, which would I have? Well, last time new home consoles were released, I got an Xbox 360 because it was basically half the price of the PS3, and there was no way I’d be able to afford a PS3. This time, if I were to take literally nothing that mattered into consideration, I’d say the PS4. Of course, really, I wouldn’t have either of them.

It’s a bit different when you actually think, though. What’s really getting on my nerves is that people are completely forgetting something… major. These are consoles. They’re completely useless. You don’t buy a console for the console. You buy a console for the games. Despite what people have decided already, what will really decide the console they buy will be the console exclusives. And they’ve barely even been announced.

So, let’s talk about the ones that have been announced. The games, the exclusives, the things that actually matter, unless you’re considering using your One just to get TV on it, or using your PS4 to… act as a doorstop. 😛 If you get an Xbox One, you will have access to several “acclaimed” games: Forza 5, The Witcher 3, Dead Rising 3, Halo 5, the new Killer Instinct, and Metal Gear Solid 5 and Crimson Dragon. Not bad. Apart from The Witcher and Halo, there’re some possibly good games there. Can’t help but wonder why MGS5 is an Xbox exclusive this time, though. It’s like they want to keep it away from poorer people. 😛 UPDATE: Found out  MGS 5 is not an exclusive. The worst thing about game journalists is when they try to do their job. They always fail. 😛 Oh, and almost everyone failed to mention the amazing-looking Crimson Dragon as an exclusive, so I added that, too.

Also available exclusively for the Xbox One are brand new games which, after reading the blurb, I still know almost nothing about them, such as Project Spark (likely some crap game making tool for 8-year-olds), Quantum Break (somehow integrates TV and gaming together, sounds frustratingly stupid), Ryse (sounds catastrophically boring), D4 (cliché story) and Sunset Overdrive (literally clueless about what this is, says it’s made by Insomniac as if it matters). And then you also have total shit like Minecraft: Money Milking Edition 2 and Rabbids Invasion, neither of which should be bought, ever, but they will sell because some people are utterly stupid.

So a pretty good wad of games that you can only play if you buy an Xbox One. Ah, but what exclusives does PS4 have to offer? Well, let’s start with their “acclaimed” games… Final Fantasy XV, Kingdom Hearts III, (UPDATE: KH3 isn’t excl2usive. Go journalists.) Infamous: Second Son, and Killzone. Er… yeah, that’s it. Hm. Oh, and there’re some new titles, Driveclub (I don’t get it), Knack (don’t have a clue what this is supposed to be) and The Order: 1886 (cliché description, sounds lame). But… er… yeah. Pretty empty shelf.

Of course, there are other games, but they’re available for both consoles, and even for PC, PS3 and Xbox 360, so it’s pointless taking them into consideration when you’re choosing the console you should buy. Most people won’t want both consoles, or may only be able to afford one of the two, so you’ve gotta consider you can’t play the exclusives of the console you don’t buy.

And me? I’ve changed my mind – I’d get the Xbox One. No question.

Funny, isn’t it? Yeah, the console is locked down with DRM, you need to connect to the Internet to use it, you can’t trade in games, it’s more expensive and Microsoft is cramming it with useless shit. But who cares? Who really, actually cares? It has infinity% more games that I wouldn’t be able to play if I bought its rival! I mean, there’re three exclusive games on it that I want – Forza 5, Dead Rising 3 and Crimson Dragon. I’m even tempted by Killer Instinct, but that’s just nostalgia talking – I was never good at it, and I don’t really like fighting games any more. As for the PS4, well, despite it being the better, cheaper console and being a companion to my Vita, I don’t want any of the games it’s offering. I’m willing to pay more and put up with DRM for a console I’d actually use more. How does this DRM crap affect me, anyway? Not at all! Unless their servers or my ‘net connection dies, both of which are unlikely, because neither is hosted by Blizzard or EA! 😛

You see, when making a major purchase like a console, I always try to think about how much I’d use it. It’s crazy buying a £400 console if I’m only gonna play on it for about 20 hours. Let’s take games as an example. I like to divide a game’s price by the number of hours I’ve used it, which gives me a “Worthiness Score”. The lower the score, the more it was worth the price. For example, Borderlands 2, including all the DLC and everything, cost me £44.98. I’ve played it for 301 hours so far, so it gets a score of 0.149, which is mighty impressive. Basically, the game cost me about 15p per hour to play. I’ve definitely got my money’s worth. 🙂

So, let’s do this with the consoles. Of course, I can’t know how many hours I’ll play on the consoles, especially since two games rarely have the same worthiness score, and it’s not likely the consoles will count the hours. So instead, I’m going to divide the price of the console by the number of games I want for it. Ideally, I’d like the score to be the same or less than the average price of games for the console, since it’s kinda depressing when the console is worth more than the games I got for it. 😛 So, I’m looking for 40 or less.

Let’s do the Vita, since I’m interested. 😛 Really, I’m looking for 35 or less points for the Vita, since most Vita games are a little bit cheaper than the standard £40. I’ve got 7 games for it, and it cost me about £240 for the console, memory card and starter kit. BUT you’ve gotta consider that 3 of my games are actually arcade games. Combined, I’d say they cost me about the same as a standard boxed Vita game. So, let’s say £240/4 = 60, which isn’t great, but it’s getting there. 😛

(UPDATE: The following are my older calculations based on information from stupid game journalists. Now that I know which games are actually exclusive, see the bottom of the post for my updated scores.)

The Xbox One, then. £429/4 (The exclusives I mentioned earlier, as well as Mirror’s Edge… but then again, do I really want it? I dunno. I’ll just keep it there to be safe.) makes a score of 107.25. Pretty bad. Four more games and it’d be almost worth it. 😛

Now, the PS4. Cheaper, £349, but only divided by 1 (Mirror’s Edge), and oh no! That gives it a score of 349, which, despite being a cheaper console, makes it three times less worth my money than the Xbox One! You see? Consoles are nothing. Games are everything.

Of course, other people’s scores will be different. People might not want Forza. Some people might be Halo fanboys. Some might like Killzone or the massive oxymoron that is Final Fantasy XV. More games will be announced over time, so my score might change as well. But as far as I can tell, most people haven’t even considered the games and just said they’re getting the PS4. What can I say. They’re stupid.

But as I said, I’m not getting either console. Maybe in the far future, when the price, say, halves (or when I get a well-paid job :P), but not any time soon. Why? Well, partly because the Xbox isn’t focused and Microsoft’s pulled a dick move, and partly because the PS4 will most likely have the same crap controller it’s been using for the past 15 years or so. But the main reason? I’ve already got a Perfect Console. The PC. 😛

It holds all my games (which cost less than console games) that I can play whenever I want, whether I’m on the Internet or not (unless it’s a shitty EA game which I don’t play). I can record gameplay videos and waste other people’s time with them without needing to spend loads of cash on equipment. I can watch TV, browse the Internet, do work and write blog posts on it. 😉 I can talk to friends and family on it using a program that costs nothing. I’ve got add-ons like a wireless receiver for Xbox 360 controllers, a webcam and the PC-exclusive mouse. It has 3D capability and can output to up to three monitors so far. It loads things faster and has better graphics. Instead of being capped at 30FPS in games, I can reach 120FPS. And if it starts to fall behind in some way, I can buy an upgrade and install it myself. It also has a Worthiness Score of about 0.0001. You get the idea. 😛 It might be expensive, but it’s literally perfect. Why would I spend money on a console? Apart from playing games I can’t play on the PC because of exclusivity bullshit, I don’t have a friggin’ clue. Anyone wanna convince me? 😛

Y’know, I haven’t mentioned the Wii U yet. So… Wee Poo. Done. 😛

So, let me try encouraging comments and feedback, even though no-one is gonna read this. Even though it’s about very popular, current issues, and people should technically be swarming over it. What console’re you getting, if any, and why? 🙂


UPDATE!!
Just found out, MGS5 is coming to PS4 and Kingdom Hearts III is coming to Xbox One. It’s literally impossible to figure this out because every friggin’ game reporter sucks. 😛

So that means that one of the exclusives I want is no longer an exclusive. Now it’s only 2-0 to Xbox One. 😛

OH, SHIT, WAIT, just found that Crimson Dragon is an Xbox One exclusive. It’s back to
3-0. 😛 I’d better update my personal Worthiness Scores that I gave the consoles:

Xbox One: £429 / 5 = 85.8pts
(Forza 5, Dead Rising 3, Crimson Dragon, Metal Gear Solid 5, Mirror’s Edge)

PS4: £349 / 2 = 174.5pts
(Metal Gear Solid 5, Mirror’s Edge)

X1’s still winning for me.


UPDATE 2!!

Oh look at that. Dead Rising 3 is on the Steam Coming Soon list. But now Sunset Overdrive has some content to show and it looks good. Also, Forza Horizon 2, since I enjoyed the original Horizon mucho.

In addition to that. I actually have no interest in Mirror’s Edge Poo any more. And hell, Kingdom Hearts 2 was good, so let’s add KH3 to both platforms, why not. Oh, Crackdown. Maybe that won’t be shit. Oh! Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare. That looks fun. And Peggle 2 since it’s not on PC because PopCap are sell-outs. And, the XB1 will be available without Kinect… although I’m not sure if Crimson Dragon will work without it. Eh, can always buy it later if needed…

Erm… actually… since when the hell did the XB1 have a price drop WITH Kinect? I got it right here for £370 WITH Kinect and FIFA 14. Er, okay… soooooo:

Xbox One: £369.99 / 9 = 41.11pts
(Forza 5, Forza Horizon 2, Sunset Overdrive, Crackdown, Crimson Dragon, Metal Gear Solid 5, Kingdom Hearts 3, Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare, Peggle 2)

PS4: £349.99 / 2 = 174.99pts
(Metal Gear Solid 5, Kingdom Hearts 3)

Can’t QUITE fathom why everyone was humping the PS4. SERIOUSLY don’t understand. Why. The PS4 has, like, no exclusives. SingStar Ultimate Party yaaaaaaay. It’s a doorstop. And it’s not even that cheap any more… not like it WAS cheap in the first place.

I’m getting tempted by the XB1. SERIOUSLY tempted. The Worthiness Score is almost down to 40. One more game. If one more game that I love is announced for it, I’ll be getting it.

…when I can afford it. Really can’t spare £370 right now. 😛


UPDATE 3!!

ACTUALLY wait wait wait. I’m being totally unfair. Peggle 2 doesn’t cost the same as Metal Gear Solid 5. Nor does Crimson Dragon… er, I think. Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare is less than £40, as well. Together they probably cost £40.

Oh, and No Man’s Sky looks pretty good. Although I don’t believe ANYTHING I see at E3. Because, you know. 90% of what devs show are probably pre-rendered fake gameplay demos. Games in development that look AND play AND perform worse on release are QUITE common nowadays. But anyway it doesn’t affect anything No Man’s Sky is multiplatform.

OH and Little Big Planet 3, PS4 exclusive. Which… might be good. I dunno. Can’t really see it being any different, but I liked LBP PS Vita, so…

Xbox One: £369.99 / 8 = 52.85pts
(Forza 5, Forza Horizon 2, Sunset Overdrive, Crackdown, Metal Gear Solid 5, Kingdom Hearts 3, No Man’s Sky, Crimson Dragon & Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare & Peggle 2)

PS4: £349.99 / 4 = 87.49pts
(Metal Gear Solid 5, Kingdom Hearts 3, No Man’s Sky, Little Big Planet 3)

Wellll now. PS4’s kinda catching up. That’s good. Sort of. Y’see, Forza Horizon 2, Sunset Overdrive and Crimson Dragon are games I REALLY want. Whereas… all the titles on the PS4 (bar MGS5) are games I “kinda” want.

Won’t be getting either any time soon, so there’s still plenty of time for a killer game to come along and save Sony. Y’know what WOULD make me sit up and listen to the PS4? Patapon 4. Lol never mind. The chance of that being released is about equal to a snowball’s chance in hell. And if it WAS, I’d expect it to be on Vita.


UPDATE 4!!

Alrighty! More stuff. Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate is an exclusive. Exclusive to everything I don’t own, ie: not PC or X360. Fussake. Well, I’d get that, since I never actually played all the way through Warriors Orochi 3 (it was a rental).

Star Wars Battlefront is a maybe. Because Battlefront II was… er… broken. It was unpolished to hell and the single player campaign was impossible. I’m not even kidding, it was ACTUALLY impossible. Oh, and the people who made Battlefield 3 & 4 are doing it so it’ll likely be broken for about 2 years after release and will suck. I hate Battlefield.

The Crew is also a maybe. It depends on whether it’s got fun arcade driving physics or annoying-as-fuck simulation physics. “Annoying-as-fuck” because simulation racer physics pretend to be accurate but are just a load of garbage (see Gran Turismo) and make the game incredibly dull. Oh, and if the game actually works. Unlike Test Drive Unlimited 2.

Drive Club looks good. It’s a PS4 exclusive. However, if I got Drive Club, I would NOT get The Crew, because from what I can tell, they’re the same kind of game, so it’s completely inconsequential in making a decision.

One thing that caught my eye was Scalebound. There’s pretty much no information on it at all yet, but it’s got me interested. Chances are that’s because I’m a complete sucker for dragons. 😛 The description reminds me of Drakan – you come across a dragon and form some sort of bond with them. That plot element is common among games where a dragon is your ally. No idea why. One downside, though – the people making it make Metal Gear Rising: Stupidword. But they were also responsible for Bayonetta and, back when they were Clover Studio, probably the most amazing 3D beat-em-up ever – God Hand. I’m gonna put it on the list. Y’know what’s funniest? It’s an Xbox One exclusive!

Man, I feel bad for the PS4. Sony can never get the decent games. 😛 Anyway, here’s the lineup:

Xbox One: £369.99 / 10 = 36.99pts
(Forza 5, Forza Horizon 2, Sunset Overdrive, Crackdown, Metal Gear Solid 5, Kingdom Hearts 3, No Man’s Sky, Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate, Scalebound, Crimson Dragon & Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare & Peggle 2)

PS4: £349.99 / 5 = 69.99pts
(Metal Gear Solid 5, Kingdom Hearts 3, No Man’s Sky, Little Big Planet 3, Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate)

Ah, PS4 was catching up a little, as well. But then Xbox One just had to pass the threshold. I guess that’s it. There are 12 games available for it which aren’t available on anything I currently have. It doesn’t have to convince me any more. As soon as I can afford it, I’ll be grabbing an Xbox One. 🙂

I don’t see how people can criticise it any more. Sure, Kinect is friggin’ lousy and I hate it. The TV features are a bit dumb, too. But they got rid of that DRM crap, it’s dropped in price, and they’re offering it without Kinect for the same price as a PS4. And you’d have to be mental to buy it without Kinect, because there are no game bundles for a Kinect-less Xbox. I’d pay £40 more for Titanfall and MGS V: Ultrashort Prequel AND a Kinect, no doubt.

I can’t really see any reason to criticize it any more. Can’t speak for the console’s performance or software, although I doubt it’ll struggle to run games developed for it specifically. 😛

But yeah. No more updates for this post now. Unless Sony gets a killer game. I can’t imagine what it could be to make me give up all those X1 exclusives I want, though.


UPDATE 5!!

HA-HA-HA HAAAA DIS-RE-GARD MOST OF THIS!

What scores were we on again? Well, lemme update them:

Xbox One: £369.99 / 8.5 = 43.53pts
(Forza 5, Forza Horizon 2, Sunset Overdrive, Crackdown, Metal Gear Solid 5, Kingdom Hearts 3, No Man’s Sky, Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate, Scalebound, Crimson Dragon & Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare & Peggle 2)

PS4: £349.99 / 5 = 87.25pts
(Metal Gear Solid 5, Kingdom Hearts 3, No Man’s Sky, Little Big Planet 3, Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate)

PvZ Garden Warfare is available on PC already so I really don’t know why I put that there. Maybe the answer is higher up but I dunno. But anyway, Metal Gear Solid 5 has been announced for PC. Loooooool. 😛

Why am I even considering getting a console? For all I know, all these “exclusives”… might not be. 😛 I mean, Dead Rising 3 came to PC. And now MGS5. I don’t expect Forza to come to PC but I bet Sunset Overdrive has a good chance. I mean, it’s a friggin’ fast-paced arcade shooter so do want mouse and keyboard controls plz. And Warriors Orochi? I can see that coming to PC too. I mean, DW8XL:CE did alright on Steam so I’d expect that to do about the same. I think Peggle 2 (or a variation of it) is coming to mobiles, actually, but I’m not sure. But what about Scalebound? That has such little info available that it’s almost painful, but they could be all like “oh, yeah, we’re doing it for PC too, and it’ll run at 120FPS and the graphics will blow your eyes out but only on PC”.

I love how people were like “HAAAA PC IS DEAD CONSOLES ARE GOING TO RULE THE WORLD AND EAT YOUR BABIES” then people went “OHHHH NETBOOKS ARE MAKING PCS COMPLETELY POINTLESS THEY’RE GONNA DIE” and then people started going “WHOOOOAH TABLETS ARE FUCKING AWESOME AND THEY’RE KILLING OFF PCS FASTER THAN YOU DID MY MUM LAST NIGHT” and now everyone’s going “WHOOOLLYYY SHIIIT MOBILE GAMING IS THE BEST KIND OF GAMING AND IT’S KILLING THE FUCK OUT OF CONSOLES AND PCS BUT ESPECIALLY PCS BECAUSE NO-ONE USES A PC NOW BECAUSE TABLETS AND PHONES EXIST AND THEY GET MORE USAGE THAN PCS DO AMONG PEOPLE OUTSIDE WITH NO ACCESS TO A PC AND VARIOUS OTHER BULLSHIT STATISTICS” but PC gamers are like “lol wat” and just keep playing through their library of PC games and emulators with their superior graphics cards and CPUs while talking to friends, minimising to check a wiki and using a controller that suits them. 😛


UPDATE 6!!

Lmfao…

Xbox One: £369.99 / 6.5 = 56.92pts
(Forza 5, Forza Horizon 2, Sunset Overdrive, Crackdown, Kingdom Hearts 3, No Man’s Sky, Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate, Scalebound, Crimson Dragon & Peggle 2)

PS4: £349.99 / 3 = 116.66pts
(Kingdom Hearts 3, No Man’s Sky, Little Big Planet 3, Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate)

No Man’s Sky was never gonna be available for Xbox One. But it’s gonna be available for PC, so PS4 loses it as well. Not like I’m interested anymore anyway because they’ve actively been dodging the question “what do you do in the game?”. Seriously, I’m stunned that barely anyone has noticed. The core Forza series is a simulation racer so I don’t have a friggin’ clue why I put it there. The elusiveness of information on Scalebound combined with an interview that says they’re aiming to “target a wider audience” suggests development is slow, water is being added and no-one knows what it’s supposed to be, so it’s setting off my bomb alert.

I played Driveclub. It missed the list. It’s so. Fucking. Boring. It’s the most generic racer since… since like… Gran Turismore Fun Needed. It has no personality at all. YAY PRETTY GRAPHICS SUPER PAINT FLAKES WHEN YOU ZOOM IN WOWOWOW yeah look a bit further out at the idiotically low-res backdrop which ruins every camera shot and maybe play the game too instead of fapping in camera mode.

It’s been more than a YEAR since release and there’s still barely anything on either console! Even funnier is the fact that the lists haven’t INCREASED in size for months because I keep finding out some games are coming to PC! It’s absolutely friggin’ hilarious!

 


UPDATE 7!!

So my dad bought an Xbox One, probably because he’s having a mid-life crisis. I mean, there’s no other reason. He doesn’t play games, doesn’t have time to play games, can’t really play games very well, and the consoles have no games on them anyway.

Xbox One: £239.99 / 1 = 239.99pts
(Forza Horizon 2, Sunset Overdrive, Crackdown, Kingdom Hearts 3, Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate, Scalebound, Crimson Dragon & Peggle 2)

PS4: £299.99 / 1 = 299.99pts
(Kingdom Hearts 3, Little Big Planet 3, Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate)

Forza Horizon 2 is hella old now so it’s off the list, but Forza Horizon 3 came out, so that’s another point back to Xbox One NO HAHA WAIT, IT’S ON PC although the port is absolutely fucking dire but HEY! It’s on PC! That’s all that matters! And you know what’s funnier? I said “I don’t expect Forza to come to PC” AND IT FUCKING DID, LMFAO!

At this rate, Crackdown is just NEVER going to come out and I don’t really care about it any more because it won’t be as good as Crackdown 1 anyway! Kingdom Hearts 3… pretty much the same thing! At this rate it’s never gonna happen and it’s not going to be as good as KH2, because modern gaming.

Warriors Orochi 3 Ultimate isn’t something I’m interested in any more either, because I could EASILY get the non-Ultimate version for Xbox 360 if I REALLY wanted it. Don’t give a damn about Peggle 2 any more and I’ve heard Crimson Dragon isn’t anywhere NEAR as good as Panzer Dragoon, so knock those off too!

And now I’ve saved the best for last! You remember Scalebound, that… uh… game thing? I think it’s an action-RPG? Yeah who cares, IT’S COMING TO PC LMFAO! The ONLY Xbox-exclusive game I was actually interested in any more, boom! Lost! Not an exclusive! Shitty port? Probably! But you can play it on PC and that’s the end of that! Will I buy it? No way in hell unless it has a demo and proves that it isn’t shit! But again who cares! Non-exclusive! No points!

So there you go, if you bought a Xbox One or a PS4, I have no idea why unless it was an Xbox One and you like Halo and Forza Non-Horizon. If it was a PS4, I have no idea why… and full stop. It’s now, hilariously, more expensive and… seriously, what’s ON it? I mean, games you can’t get on something else, that is. Ratchet & Clank’s one, right? And… Little Big Planet 3’s another although that’s pretty old now. Er… Bloodborne, that Dark Souls-like game probably with fake difficulty everywhere? Oh, The Last Guardian, that game everyone’s screaming about even though it’s never looked that good and has been in development hell for ages and therefore will definitely not be good. That’s, er… that’s it, right? Four games. Spend £300 on a console that costs £70 more than the competition for the ability to play… four exclusive games, none of which are like, killer, or anything? Cool, I… guess? I mean we live in an era where people will buy a £700 VR headset to play things that don’t really qualify as games so hey, I shouldn’t be surprised or dumbfounded.

If you haven’t bought either, buy a PC; they cost a little bit more but have 200,000% more games on them. Unless you want to play Halo. In which case… buy a PC and learn to like another shooter, like Battlefield or Overwatch or Call of Duty or Unreal Tournament or Doom or Quake. 😛

Okay, I’m done now. 😛