Hail to the king, baby!

Been a while, eh? Well, that’s mainly because no-one actually reads this shit. Oh, speaking of shit, this site is. ๐Ÿ˜› I still don’t like it. No empty lines allowed, a gay choice of themes, limited customisation, and the “possibly related” posts are, frankly, insulting. I like the massively reduced RAM usage, though, that’s nice. And the spam blocker is handy, as well as the site stats page, which mainly shows that people are searching for “rodney reynolds soundboard”, arriving at the correct blog post, and then NOT DOWNLOADING IT. >.>

If you DO read this shit and have something to say, then by all means comment. And that goes for any DAZ Studio models that you see on my blog and want but can’t find, eg: the Phenotypes. I’ll give you links if you just ask nicely. Honestly, it’d be nice to know that all of my views aren’t generated solely from accidental clicks or spambots. ๐Ÿ˜‰ I won’t eat your face, I’m not a Protozoid Slimer… ๐Ÿ˜›

Yes, Protozoid Slimer. Those evil slimy green things with teeth on Duke Nukem 3D, which I’ve been playing recently. Partly because most modern games are pathetic in comparison, and partly in celebration that Duke Nukem (Taking) Forever HAS A FREAKIN’ RELEASE… YEAR. ๐Ÿ˜€ No, that’s NOT a joke.

After the Duke Nukem Forever dev team broke up and 3D Realms downsized, Gearbox (the guys behind the shit-awesome Borderlands) got the Duke Nukem IP, and they’re finishing it off for 2011. Again, I’m not kidding – check Gearbox, 3D Realms and Wikipedia if you don’t believe me. ๐Ÿ˜› Finally, 14 years after DN3D, it’s coming! ๐Ÿ˜€ I’m excited; I’m anticipating it more than any other game that’s gonna be out anytime soon (moreso than Portal 2), but I’m also kinda anxious. Is it gonna be the most awesome thing since Duke Nukem 3D, or has it been passed around too many engines and lost its soul because of the amount of time the devs have had to work on it? One thing’s for sure – faggots… sorry, CRITICS are gonna give it a shit score because it’s been in development too long, they can’t give it more than Halo Retch because that would make them look bad, and because it’s Duke Nukem and some people don’t seem to “get” his amazing style. Three things they should NOT knock points off for, but they will. ๐Ÿ˜›

But, do you know the greatest thing about all this? Because I own Borderlands and all the DLC, I got an EARLY ACCESS KEY. ๐Ÿ˜€ Hell yeah.

Looking forward to Duke Nukem Forever, but for now, Duke Nukem 3D. I don’t REALLY need to tell you how awesome it is, do I? ๐Ÿ˜‰ It was almost TOO awesome when I played it as a kid (yeah, it was an 18, I know, but it’s not as if I thought it was REAL… :P). I never had the original, I had the upgraded Atomic Edition, complete with the super-difficult fourth episode, The Birth. Not like it mattered back then, because I couldn’t even clear the second episode on the easiest difficulty. ๐Ÿ˜›

Nowadays, there’re a truckload of ports for DN3D to help it run on modern Windows, the best in my opinion being EDuke32. Combine that with the sickeningly good High Resolution Pack and the brilliant DukePlus mod (which surprised me, because mods usually break everything (I don’t like the new sounds and some of the new weapons and features though, but you can just turn them off)), then pump up the difficulty to “Come Get Some” or “Damn I’m Good”. The result is a shooter which I personally think is a more entertaining, exciting, fun and geniuinely challenging experience than ANY shooter I’ve ever played. I’m not counting Borderlands, because that’s a special kind of shooter with random weaponry and significant RPG elements, not just a “generic” shooter with fixed weapons, etc. But DN3D IS better than every other generic shooter I’ve played, including TimeSplitters 3 and its amazing humour, Mass Effect 2 and its ridiculously good character development and excellent battle system, and Modern Warfare’s campaign which plays so smoothly and manages to hold your attention so well it might as well be a stripper’s arse.

That might sound like a stupid claim to all you NEWFAGS out there. But you’re newfags and play games for their graphics. You think Crysis is better than anything. And you actually care about kill-death ratios. No-one should like you. Not even your parents. ๐Ÿ˜›

Seriously, if you’ve never played it before, you just HAVE to. And if you have, you’ll be surprised at the amazing job the modding community’s done on modernising it. Get yourself a copy of Duke Nukem 3D Atomic Edition (gog.com or other method), get the High Resolution Pack and install it, then get the updated version of EDuke32 and copy it over the old version that the HRP installed for you. Choose your options in the menus while listening to one of my favourite theme tunes ever, and you’re set for awesomeness. ๐Ÿ™‚ Don’t put the difficulty on “Piece of Cake”, though. Unless you’re 7. ๐Ÿ˜›

On the subject of Multiplayer, there’s a basic version implemented into EDuke32 which apparently works well over a LAN. It’s a bit of a faff, though, so you’ll want to try a multiplayer frontend. Try YANG or Meltdown, the latter being the one I quite like the look of. I can’t really judge, because I haven’t been able to try multiplayer YET. I tried to test it by myself, but EDuke32 babs itself when you try to run two instances at the same time, and the game acts as if you’re in single player if you start a multiplayer game with only one player (you can pause, save, etc.). ๐Ÿ˜›

Anyway, have fun. I’m off to kick ass and chew bubblegum. See ya later. ๐Ÿ™‚

…hey… where the hell’s all my gum?!

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