And, the Most Overrated Game Of The Year Award goes to…

Starcraft II.

Now, I’ve never played the original, this game is holding up Diablo III, and I’m not interested in RTS games, because they’re more boring than the empty J2O bottle on my desk. I had a lot against this game before I even tried it. But since the others got it, and since it got a 96 on MetaCritic, putting it HIGHER than the ORIGINAL Command & Conquer (that is REALLY saying something)… I thought I’d have a look to see what all the fuss was about.

I got it downloaded and started the campaign. It wasn’t particularly engaging, nor was it very challenging, nor was it very exciting. The units weren’t really imaginative or original, and I couldn’t tell which building was which, because they all looked the same. The cutscene quality was impossible, though. It was as if they did that thing, y’know… the worst thing you can do in a game? What is it again… oh yeah, put more effort into EVERYTHING apart from the gameplay. It’s NOT A MOVIE… and it’s NOT A FUCKING SCREENSAVER… it’s a GAME! You don’t WATCH a game, you’re supposed to PLAY a game! PLEASE try to understand!

And that was that. Any game that does that automatically gets an F. They REALLY get me riled up, ESPECIALLY when they get such a high rating.

I thought it’d improve in Multiplayer… but it didn’t. I wouldn’t play a game I wasn’t really enjoying against people who are significantly better, so playing against other players is totally pointless… because in an online match, EVERYONE is better than I am. Playing against bots gets on my nerves, because it’s impossible to gather, build and train units as fast as they can. And the gameplay isn’t very exciting either. And some buttons that make life a little easier, such as "find idle military units", don’t exist. And units can be assigned to more than one control group at a time, which is just completely stupid. Oh, and the difficulty curve is similar to Bioshock 2, only it spikes to the moon at Medium rather than Hard.

Better than the original C&C? LOLOLOL. Yeah, right. The original C&C was FUN and had more development time put into gameplay, rather than cutscenes and graphics. The reason that people say that Starcraft II is good is simply because it’s been in development a long time, it’s a sequel to an old, famous RTS, and it’s shinier than a lighthouse. However, SANE people will notice that it’s actually pretty rubbish, because it’s boring and has almost no gameplay.

And that’s all I have to say about that. Now, Blizzard. Finish the shit you’re doing with the World of Warcrap expansion which completely contradicts the Warcraft RTSs, and properly start Diablo III already. Y’know, the sequel you announced? The sequel to my all-time favourite game? The sequel that I pre-ordered ALMOST IMMEDIATELY? Smile with tongue out And for the love of God, play Diablo II for at least a couple hours a week so you actually know what you’re aiming for… cut down on the shiny cutscenes. Just make crazy-intense awesome gameplay with massive amounts of enemies on randomly generated maps, give us huge amounts of randomly generated loot and let us play as overpowered characters. Just do it. Smile with tongue out

UPDATE!!

Just uninstalled Starcraft II, and I’m quite shocked. When I installed it, it took FIFTEEN MINUTES to install. And I didn’t use the CD – I used an ISO, which is basically an image of a CD stored on your computer, so it should technically be FASTER than installing from a CD. Now, I’ve uninstalled it, and it took a split second. I know that removing data is faster than copying it… but FIFTEEN MINUTES to INSTALL? It’s only ~12GB, that should finish in around five minutes when copying from one location on the hard drive to another!

That tells me two things. Blizzard, A: Completely suck at making installers do what they’re supposed to do, and/or B: Actually program their installers to run slowly so you can see the shininess of them and so you can read the text they put there so their pointless hard work doesn’t go to waste. I genuinely don’t give a crap about what happened in Starcraft I, because 100% of Blizzard’s storylines suck cock. If I wanted to know, I could just find out by watching an intro/optional cutscene in-game that details what happened previously. But no, you decided to put that crap in the installer. Listen, installers INSTALL things – that’s their sole purpose. Similarly, games have GAMEplay, not GRAPHICS…play. Smile with tongue out

I only liked Blizzard for one reason – Diablo. The Warcraft RTSs were pretty rubbish, but Blizzard basically destroyed Warcraft with World of Warcraft. I bet most
of the people who play the MMO know nothing about Warcraft’s past.
Starcraft II had exactly the same system as ALL the Warcraft RTSs, but turned out even worse because Blizzard can’t balance shit anymore, and RTSs have never been super-exciting. Hell, even C&C was slow, but at least it was balanced and fun. I also bet that most people who play Starcraft now are people who also play World of Warcraft. Because, y’know, if you really like something, quite a lot of people will like anything else the same company makes?

Want another example? How about Halo? The original was great, that’s why I bought Halo 2. That was average, but I was intrigued as to how it would end, and I was confident it would get better, so I got Halo 3. That was diabolical, made no frickin’ sense, and had a pathetic ending. Played a little multiplayer, got bored. I’ll never buy another game made by Bungie. I tried Halo ODST, but it took me three minutes to determine it was just a crappy little spinoff game made for 50p so they could get extra funds for their next game. But how many people bought all of those games just because of the original? How many people convinced themselves that the sequels were the best shooters ever made, even though they were all terribly average? And how many people are gonna buy Halo Retch because of this?

I rest my case. I’m REALLY starting to dislike Blizzard, because they’re turning into one of the shit games companies that value graphics over gameplay. I’m not confident that they can make a proper sequel to Diablo II anymore.

We’ll see, huh? Or, maybe we won’t, because they usually take 9001 years just to finish a game. "Making sure it’s up to our extremely high quality standards", I bet they say. Yeah, right – I bet they screw around and create graphics half the time (most of which don’t appear in the game properly, just in the gigantic concept art section Smile with tongue out), and make the installer shiny the other half. Oh, and if they have time, they’ll add a bit of gameplay. Smile with tongue out

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