Y hallo thar. Open-mouthed

So I just got an e-mail from GAME, bragging that they’re the best high street retailer or something. That’s great, and good for them. But, in celebration, they’re giving some savings! That’s cool!


UNFORTUNATELY… they’re on the two things I am least likely to buy in the future… a Nintendo Wii… sorry, I mean… a Nintendo PISS, because my Dad’s got one and I think they suck anyway… and a Nintendo DSi, which is a nice little handheld, but it’s at a ridiculous price, even with £10 off! It’s nearly as expensive as the Piss… and JUST AS expensive as an Xbox 360 Arcade bundle… and they are… more advanced?

Oh, notice how GAME are only offering deals for Nintendo consoles, too? My Favouritism Detector just exploded.

I’m sorry… but anyone that buys a DSi over a DS has been ripped off… because the only thing that’s new is the camera, and the nearly impossible-to-notice size difference. Also, people who upgrade from a DS to a DSi are monumental retards (unless they manage a good trade-in or sell their old DS for a fair amount).

No, I have nothing against Nintendo or anything. Tongue out Their consoles are good, and they make good games, and have really good mascots… but the only problem is… everyone else sucks at making games for their consoles, apart from (usually) SEGA. I don’t know of ANY third-party game I’d ever want to play on the Piss or the DS. I just think they’re pushing their luck a bit too much, what, with their prices and the development of a new handheld that is nearly technically the same as the old one, but costs a lot more. Oh, and the fact that the Piss USED to cost less than the Xbox 360 or PS3… but now it costs more. Good marketing tactics I suppose. Evil, but extremely good. Open-mouthed

Anyhoo… what else… oh yeah, Amazon Prime sucks. Tongue out I signed up for the free trial of Amazon Prime, which gives you unlimited one day delivery for a month. That’s great. So, I ordered one of those Xbox 360 Quick Charge Kits, because I badly need it. Why? Well… I probably won’t see my Play & Charge kit for another few months, as I think it’s at Ped’s, and I can’t find either of the original battery packs for my controllers anywhere, so I can’t use the nine rechargable batteries I have in reserve… typical. Sad I asked for one day delivery, and it confirmed and everything.

TODAY, two days after ordering, it’s just been dispatched. Now, sure, it’s not such a big deal, because I can wait a few days for a charge kit, I have other things that I can do… but I thought that ONE day delivery, would take ONE day to pack and deliver to my house. Not THREE. Can’t believe people would pay £50 odd a year just to get their items delivered about one or two days faster than Super Saver delivery… Tongue out

Right… I THINK that’s all, apart from ULSG! If anyone on my Skype is ever bored or not doing anything or whatever, it’d be great if you could help me for a couple minutes, just to see if I can actually make a multiplayer game with Multimedia Fusion 2 or not. I’ve made a little test app which can start a server or connect to one, and you can see other players ships and fire lasers and shoot down enemy ships. It probably doesn’t sound exciting to you, but to me, it’s really important, cuz if this works, then I CAN get started with a real ULSG online game mode of some sort. One of my college mates have already tried connecting to me, but it didn’t work. I can’t really give up just because ONE person can’t connect, though, I need at least a few to not be able to connect to fully render it "not working".
Anyway, if you want to help, just leave a comment, and I’ll meet you on Skype when I notice it. Smile I don’t go on that often anymore, I don’t really see the point.

Rightiho, I’m off. I’ll see yas soon! Open-mouthed


Okay, disregard that plea for help… I managed to find a really good public server. MASSIVE kudos to KlikFarm. Open-mouthed

LOL, slow…

Haha, I’ve just recieved this e-mail:

LOL, a bit slow aren’t we, Microsoft? I’ve already GOT my console… Tongue out Unless you’re sending me another one, which’d be great. Could sell it on eBay or something. Tongue out

My X-Dorx is back… again!

Yes, I know, X-Dorx is the worst Xbox joke you’ve ever heard, but I thought, y’know… dork? Stupid? Xbox? Kinda sums up it’s reliability… Tongue out

Anyhoo, it’s back now, and this time, it’s not a new one! They’ve replaced the motherboard on it (I thought that "loose RAM" which someone else mentioned on a forum was probably a better guess, but who am I to question Microsoft’s knowledge of their own console?) and done an "extensive two-hour test". Oooooh, that’s deep.

Well, bitches, here’s MY extensive two-hour test! I’ve got the Xbox linked up, and ready to rock (or explode). Here we GO!

OK, it booted! That’s a start. Now to connect a controller up to it… just as long as my Play & Charge kit hasn’t gone walkies…

Okay, it has, but thankfully, my other controller has charge. Open-mouthed Must’ve left my charge kit at Ped’s or something.

Well, it’s been idle for four minutes now, and it’s all okay. Controller’s connected… right, let’s SIGN IN!

Okay, I’ve signed in offline, which is a start. Now, I’ve noticed my resolution is a bit blurry, so let’s CHECK IT!

Yep, it’s at 1080i. Up that to 1080p… and let’s see how it reacts…

IT’S EEKAY! Open-mouthed Right, we’re okay at 6 minutes 34 seconds. Let’s run an ARCADE GAME! Open-mouthed

PISS, need to connect to Live to use my games. Right, let’s see how that goes…

Right, after connecting my wireless and configuring it, I’ve just gotta get a system update… a challenging task for a conole as reliable as this! Let’s GO!

Well, we’ve passed the 10-minute barrier, and everything seems to be fine so far.

Update’s done! Console’s just restarted… and… it’s… now signing into Live… and we’re ONLINE, with NO CRASHES! WOOOO!

Now, I’ve just seen Outrun on the Xbox, and I’m going to start downloading a trial. HERE WE GO! And while we wait for that, I’m going to start an Arcade game, now. Let’s see how this goes!

Geometry Wars Retro Evolved 2, I managed about 2 minutes of gameplay last time! Let’s see if I can get through a 3 minute game of Deadline! Open-mouthed


I actually don’t believe that my console has been able to run for 26 MINUTES without crashing once! Surprised I think Microsoft may have actually fixed it this time!

Anyway, I’ll keep my timer running, and I’ll be back later! Smile


Okay, even after an hour and 30 minutes, we’re still going! Now, I’m giving the Xbox the hardest test EVER… can it run FABLE II, without crashing?! Me hopes so. Smile


Well… I can safely say that my Xbox is pretty much fixed. Open-mouthed I managed to start a new game of Fable II, and progress FURTHER than I did before the repair, without it crashing once! Good job, Microsoft. You’ve redeemed yourself… again. Tongue out

Yeeeah, Xtreme Mode awesomeness!

Been playing Dynasty Warriors 5 Xtreme Legends recently, because of my Xbox going down the drain, and not feeling like playing The Last Remnant. This is a GOOD GAME, don’t talk shit about Dynasty Warriors. Tongue out Sure, they may all be pretty similar, and the graphics on the first 5 may not be great, and yes, it doesn’t really have much depth to the combat system, and it’s extremely far-fetched, and the voice acting is crap. BUT, let me list some other games!

All the Halo games, they’re pretty similar, right? Do we like them? Yes.
Pac-Man had shitty graphics. Was it so good that it became a classic game? Yes!
Streets of Rage, there are three buttons you can press, and a total of eight or nine unique moves per character, and not all that indepth, yeah? Altered Beast was even worse! Do we like them? Yes!
Gears of War was far fetched, I mean, come on… Locust alien thingies emerging from the ground? Cities being sunk by a massive worm? Did we like it? Yes!
And bad voice acting is a way of life, walk two steps into a game store and you’ll find at least one game with shitty voice acting. Tongue out

This game is so much fun because bashing loads of idiotic Chinese soldiers heads in is extremely satisfying and fun! It’s not like they’re real! Besides, the game’s not meant to be taken seriously, anyway… Tongue out

Anyway, I’ve been on the Xtreme Mode, where you have to survive as many missions as you can. And I am on Mission 30, at this very moment, and about to kick some dude’s buttisholz! Open-mouthed

Yes, Mission 30. Awesome. Open-mouthed And before you say it, NO, I did NOT use the memory card switching cheat! Tongue out This is all legit, and I have not died at all. A few close calls, but that’s it! Open-mouthed Besides, Mission 30 compared to how far some other people have got is quite crap. Tongue out

Anyway, I’m off to do this mission, but before I go, has anyone ever played Dynasty Warriors 6? If yes, is it any good? I’m kinda split on whether to get it or not, because they’ve changed the combat system to something more lame-sounding, and as it’s in HD, it’ll look prettiful, but it’s got a chance of causing STUPID amounts of slowdown… which I hate. Tongue out

If I do get it… I hope Lu Bu’s overpowered in DW6, just like he is in DW5. Open-mouthed He kicks too much ass for it to be legal. Open-mouthed


Did it! Owned Mission 30. Open-mouthed Was pretty close though, had a red health bar at the end. That’s gonna be expensive to fix. Confused

Never mind, I got 31,526 gold from that mission alone! That’s… quite a lot. Open-mouthed

Hoooly crap, computer fail!

Right, so I’ve been to Ped’s today for another gaming party, and it was cool, especially Halo multiplayer, cuz that was so much fun. Open-mouthed Before I set off to his, though, I turned on the Pwnage-O-Matic, and tried to copy a game over to my external hard drive so I could take it along with me, just to test if Ped’s (shite) PC could run it. Unfortunately… it was pretty big, and I didn’t have enough time to copy it, so I cancelled, deleted the partially-moved files, removed the external hard drive, and asked the Pwnage-O-Matic to shut down. There was an update, so I just left that to install, which shouldn’t have taken more than a minute or so.

Ya, so what’s the problem with that?

Well, there isn’t one, assuming you’re a normal person. But for some reason, after I’d gotten back from the party, had my tea, fed my fish and all that, I turned on the P-O-M… and it didn’t actually turn on, as such… it started whirring as normal, hard drives started clicking as they usually do, and a few lights flickered on my motherboard, as they usually do… but the computer didn’t beep to say that it was OK, nor did anything appear on the screen. I tried cycling the power about three or four times, but still nothing!

Now, if I knew nothing about the inside of computers, and if I just had a standard motherboard… I would be well and truly screwed at this point. But, my board has a backup, and that is to clear the CMOS by pressing a little button on the back of the motherboard! Great! But THAT didn’t work either… and it usually does. Confused

So, to help me out a little bit, I got out my LCD Poster that came with the board (another tool I would be utterly screwed without), plugged it in, and turned on the P-O-M. The LCD Poster got stuck at DET DRAM… so I assumed my RAM was the problem. I swapped my RAM sticks around, no joy. I unplugged one, no joy. I unplugged both, no joy and broken ears, as my (ultra loud) PC speaker beeped a warning tone as if to say "WHAT THE FOCK, I CAN’T REMEMBER ANYTHING ANYMORE!!" I tried each stick in each slot, until I finally found a combination that booted the PC! WOOT!

Thing is, they’re in different coloured slots. Why is that a problem? Well… actually… I don’t know, as the PC can pick up all the memory, and it’s just as fast as it used to be. Tongue out Apparently, putting RAM in the same coloured slots speeds it up… but I haven’t noticed a performance difference. Tongue out It’s pretty annoying, as this is a £200-ish motherboard with now two
(seemingly broken) RAM slots. I don’t get how they just BROKE, when
the P-O-M was powered off… Must’ve blown a fuse or something when I
turned it back on…

So anyway, all of you people who have a motherboard similar to the Striker II Formula motherboard, and who are having a "DET DRAM" problem and can’t boot your PC’s… try moving your RAM around. Mine worked in slots 3 and 4. And so, the moral of this story is… it’s a GOOD idea to buy an expensive motherboard, because otherwise, you’re f***ed when one of your PC’s bad days come, and you have no failsafes. Open-mouthed (Plus, it’s ultra easy to overclock with certain boards. Open-mouthed)

Anyhoo, I’m off for now, I see yous later! Smile

If Square Enix ever make a game like this again…

…I am officially going to kill them!

I’m playing The Last Remnant on PC, and NO, I am not moaning about the game, at all. It’s pretty good, and I’m not far into it, unlike half of Square Enix’s games, which take at least 50% of the game to be completed to get into them and understand most of the story. The gameplay’s great (I really like this new battle system) the graphics are great, the framerate when nearly maxed out on a 8800GT is pretty good (50FPS average, dipping to 20 every so often) the story’s good so far, and the voice acting is… well… that’s pretty average, as it always is.

So, what’s my problem?

Well, I’ve just gotten to this boss, and watched a five minute cutscene before it. Wasn’t sure what to expect, so I just went with the flow of battle, doing pretty well, until the computer decided it wanted to go second (out of five units) on the next turn, even though it went last on the previous turn. There were no critical chances in the previous turn that would have sped me up, and there weren’t any on that turn. That’s a bad place to add unpredictability, because it replaces gameplay with IRRITATION, and Square Enix’s games seem to do that A LOT. Take Final Fantasy. You’re against a boss, doing quite well… then the boss, FOR NO REASON, flips out on you and does 100 billion damage, then you have to start all over again. Don’t deny it, because stuff like that happens ALL THE TIME on Squaresoft’s or Square Enix’s games.

I wasn’t really annoyed much about it, because I knew that I saved before the battle, so I could just load it and do it again, right? Yeah, so I loaded my game, and continued forward, and hit the cutscene again. I pressed enter… nothing happened. I pressed loads of keys on the keyboard, basically mashing my keyboard, trying to skip this five-minute cutscene, but NO! The developers FORGOT TO ADD A CUTSCENE SKIPPING KEY! How fucking retarded of them. Every single one of them should die in a fire for that. This is my third rerun of this battle, because the computer is finding it funny to randomise who it attacks and how often they cause criticals. The computer chooses to attack the only union I have control over, and over 50% of their hits manage to be criticals. And, since I only have control over a union with only 800HP, and can only take 4-5 hits, whereas the two GUEST unions have 2000+ HP, two more members EACH, and can take several criticals before getting owned, AND they don’t give a shit about my union, I end up losing VERY quickly, no matter what I do. I could have saved myself about 10 minutes of my life by just skipping these cutscenes, but I can’t! And after getting past the cutscene, WHO KNOWS if I can finish the battle or not? This is supposed to make me want to PLAY this game?!

Seriously, Square Enix? Just… die, please. Never, EVER do this again, or die in a fire. It’s frustrating me to wits end…



I pressed the Pause key… and in the corner, there are the beautiful words… "Skip Cutscene".
Square Enix, I apologise. But next time, don’t make it so fucking obscure… Tongue out


Right, so after I owned that boss (was real easy, ironically, after I found the cutscene skip key. Tongue out) I came to another boss, some big metal dude and his bitch. I found this impossibly hard, because no matter what I did, speedups, flank attack, range attack… the big fat metal man would still go first (even though he’s the biggest, heaviest thing on the battlefield), end up getting a massive rock out of his pocket and golf-clubbing it at my unions, wiping 90% of their health out and then they end up doing something stupid afterwards, like not healing themselves.

So, after five or six attempts, instead of getting all annoyed at it and spending the rest of the day being bored and powering up, I used Cheat Engine instead to make myself invincible. Great fun. Open-mouthed Especially that bit where I set one of my union’s HP to 9999 when it was only about 2000. I got hit, took damage, and my HP went UP, out of the health bar, and nearly into the middle of the screen. AWESOME! Open-mouthed

Oh, by the way, this game’s leveling system sucks. Either that, or I just don’t get it, I know I have to pwn stuff to power up unit stats, which then affect their damage and defence and stuff… but it never seems to DO anything. I keep seeing "Blocter: Strength Increased!" but he SUCKS, because he does the second least damage in one of my unions! Even units you get for FREE can beat him! The only unit that is seriously any good is… well… Rush, the one I’m controlling… because I can control what weapons and accessories he’s using… Open-mouthed

So, a couple questions… how long does it actually take to stop this crap with starting with low morale in a battle? You know, when your stats are so low that you start some battles with next to no morale, indicating that you suck and should power up before doing this again? How long does it take to stop that happening? Because I was powering up for AGES on easier battles, and when I came back to the harder battles… it was still the same. If that’s Square Enix’s idea of juicing playtime, they can stick it up their repetitive arses. I should be able to run though the game from nearly start to finish,
only sidetracking to train up when I fall behind a little bit (like in Final Fantasy), but even if you take out all the enemies in an area you’re running through, you STILL fall behind a lot…
Also, my party members keep asking for items, and I get them sometimes… but when they take them out of the spoils, they don’t even DO anything with them, even if they have all the components they need! What are they supposed to do with the components, and is there any way to find out how much they need, instead of the game only telling me how much they have?

So yeah… there ARE quite a few issues with this game, I’ve found… like no control over what 99% of your party members equip or do in battle (reminds me of Vista Wink), WAY too many characters to keep track of (I like the idea of unions that work together on a massive tactical battlefield, but trying to take each unit’s stats into account and maximising their talents when you have 15 units to arrange is really hard), a very Square Enix-like story that doesn’t really make any sense until you run through it at least three times (But I suppose we’re all used to that by now Tongue out), a really bad leveling system (I actually prefer the Sphere Grid from Final Fantasy X, as irritating as it can be sometimes) and a really annoying dungeon crawl style, where to progress, you HAVE to go through the same dungeons again and again just to buff up enough to try the next boss. Apart from that, when it all works and you’re not constantly behind the power you should be at… it’s pretty enjoyable. Open-mouthed It would have been really great if they’d have taken out that "If the enemy is much stronger than you, give the player a massive morale hit at the beginning of the battle" system, because if the battle is hard as it is… why make it even harder by cutting both attack and defence? Just start the battle with morale in the middle, and see how well the player does! If they fail, then it’s their fault they’ve been cutting corners and avoiding previous battles, and they should go and train up some more before coming back! Cuz if morale is low from the start and they fail, on condition that they didn’t get touched in the field, then it’s not really their fault, it’s because the computer has an EXTRA advantage.

Meh, I dunno, I probably don’t get RPG’s nowadays. I liked them when they were simpler and needed less micromanagement and dependence on AI. Tongue out The times when you had full control… when you pressed "Attack" and the character would attack without question, or when you pressed "Fireball" and they’d shoot the enemy in the face with a fireball straight away, without questioning it or being interrupted by anything. Open-mouthed But now, when you ask to attack, you don’t know who’s going to attack first, or whether the AI will go "…Nah, I don’t want to attack, I think I want to standby/defend instead, as it runs less code."

COME ON, SQUARE ENIX, don’t mess up now, you were doing SO WELL!

Haha, I’ve just noticed something!

I’ve started downloading a little game demo off Steam, aaaand… it’s downloading at 110KB/s! WOOOO!

YESZ! MY BANDWIDTH IS BACK TO NORMAL! Open-mouthedOpen-mouthed


Yes, I’m back! I’ve just been playing a demo of FLOCK! And I know the game developers have one of the most ultimate senses of humour EVER, because they can see the funny side of that word. It’s pretty obvious, too, since you (as the UFO) have to herd animals to the MOTHERFLOCKER! AWESOME! Open-mouthed How they got away with a 7+ is beyond me. I’d expect at least 11+ for suggestive content. Tongue out
The game’s awesome in every way, it’s got great gameplay, which is simple to understand, yet really hard to master (you try and get Gold Perfect medals on every level first time. Tongue out). It’s got a co-op mode, it’s got a level editor, it’s got really cool, stylised graphics, and it’s got bags of humour! AND, it’s an indie game, the most fun type of game ever invented, so it’s replayable, and it’s cheap, only £11 off Steam! Open-mouthed And, I’ll bet it’s got more playtime than nearly any recent £40 commercial game. Apart from RPG’s, of course, but the replayability of those are pretty much ZERO. Tongue out

As soon as I get my next GlobalTestMarket payment, I think I’ll be getting that game. Open-mouthed Bigass Kudos to Proper Games. Open-mouthed

Achievement Unlocked: “Top 2% of O2 Bandwidth Users in UK”.

Oh, yes! I don’t know how I managed it, but I’m in the top 2% of UK O2 bandwidth users. That’s not good, though, because now my bandwidth’s been halved to 512Kb, probably until the end of this month. Confused

No… it’s not kiloBYTE, as 80% of people think it is. It’s kiloBIT, 1024 BITS. Divide your "advertised" connection
speed by 8, and that’s your actual download speed in meaningful kiloBYTES. Mine WAS 128KB/s. Now it’s 64KB/s. Sad Guh.

Well… that’d be fine for browsing and just general internet usage… BUT, instead, I’m trying to download Team Fortress 2 again, after it just randomly vanished from my hard drive for no reason. About 7 hours to go, oh joy. I WOULD play TrackMania while I was waiting, but the assfaggotry of the crappy Steam platform won’t let you download updates and play Steam games (even if you’re playing them offline) at the same time. You can’t even use a shortcut to an external program though Steam, because that pauses your updates, too. Confused And most of my best games are on Steam… Sad

I would use my Xbox, but THAT’S being a faggot, too! I only thought it was Fable that was crashing, but now EVERY game’s doing it MORE OFTEN THAN FABLE DID! WTF?!! We tried to play a game of Horde on Gears of War 2 at Ped’s house… and we managed to get about ten seconds into the first wave before my Xbox just crashed for no reason. It’s a "hanging" sort of crash, so you don’t get any error messages or anything, the picture just freezes, the sounds stops, and the only way out it to turn off the Xbox. Anyone ever had this before, and have found a way to fix it WITHOUT opening the entire Xbox and voiding warranty?

Gah… this is the first time where I actually WANT a RRoD, just so I can send the friggin’ thing back. I’m supposed to be saving my money for university, not spending it on repairs for one of the most unreliable machines ever built.

Microsoft, when you build your next console, the Xbox 720 or whatever stupid name you’re gonna give it… please make sure it WORKS first, before making us pay £200 for it… Oh, and NEVER make a portable Xbox 360, or "Xbox 180" like some people would call it. Judging by your Windows Mobile series, I’m guessing a handheld console made by you would end with many small explosions, and a LOT of irritated people. Tongue out


OKAY! After playing… about… ooh… five minutes of a DEMO of Super Street Fighter II Turbo HD Remix, the Xbox crashed in the same way AGAIN. Oh, no, that’s not an improvement from Ped’s house, not at all. Because I was playing the game for TEN SECONDS! The rest of the time, I was in the menus, reading the controls and the hints! And you don’t want to know how long I lasted in Lumines LIVE…

MicroTwats… I’ve sent a repair request. You can have the fecking console back. This time, send me one that isn’t broken.

Just a quick question…

Has anyone else’s console completely and utterly fucked up ever since they played Fable II on it? Mine has. It was fine for the first two days, I was really getting into the game, it was truly brilliant. But NOW… I can only play the game for around 5-10 minutes (sometimes about 20 if I’m lucky, or 2 if I’m extremely unlucky) and then it all of a sudden FREEZES, for NO REASON. No error message, no red lights, nothing. Just a freeze, and the only way out it to cycle the power.

I’ve tried everything that people have suggested on forums and the like. Installing to the hard drive – doesn’t work. Uninstalling the update and trying to run it afterwards – doesn’t work. Cleaning the disc – doesn’t work (and it’s irrelevant anyway, because I’m playing the game off the hard drive). I just tried uninstalling and reinstalling the game to my hard drive, and it got around 40-50% of the way through before the DASHBOARD crashed in the same way as Fable II did. That therefore corrupted the installation, and now whenever I look at the corrupted data, my Xbox freezes.

Now the Xbox has frozen by just being idle on the Dashboard for around 6 minutes. If this keeps up, I’m expecting the RRoD soon.

Has ANYONE experienced the same problems, or is my console/game just generally being an asshole?

Okay, so now I’ve left the console on idle for an hour while I went and had my tea… and I’ve come back, and it’s completely fine… that is… it hasn’t FROZEN. Don’t know what it’ll be like when I start using it, but we’ll see. Open-mouthed

I loaded up Fable, managed to get three minutes further into the game, and then guess what? *To the Flash Gordon Theme* CRASH! AHHHH! This is getting annoying! *End of Flash Gordon Theme* *ahem* Yes, that it is. Ah well… back to my Bel-Air remix. Open-mouthed

You’ll see. Open-mouthed

You were wondering about the Bel-Air remix? HERE YA GO! Open-mouthed

Put Your Hands Up In Bel-Air!

It’s very… average! Tongue out

(By the way, a massive "GEEEEEAHHHHHH!!" because the server where I host images is sort of… um… BROKEN. Now nearly every image on my blog entries are apparently non-existent. Sad Ah well… hopefully it fixes soon. Smile)