Funny crap…

So, the past few days, I’ve been bored, and so I’ve been going through my WHOLE blog, trying to find things that I’ve said that were funny, cuz I is a funny bastard! Open-mouthed Sometimes. Tongue out
Anyhoo, I have A LOT! Go ahead and read them. Open-mouthed
  1. Yes! Six, seven AND EIGHT! I’m being a generous ickle boy man!
  2. EDIT: You, TIT, Carl. You put a typo in Dragon Worlds!
  3. College should be good, hopefully. Wonder if I’ll find someone with long hair and a relatively good sense of humour… ZOP!
  4. It was our second induction (SECOND?!) and we just went over some stuff like timetables and computer rules and HEALTH AND SAFETY. People with long hair should not use equipment with rotating parts, y’know.
  5. But there’s no uniform code! Unless you come in latex or a bikini or something. Then you get chucked out.
  6. I got a bit bored, and doubled the speed of me and Ped playing Powerstone. It’s re-friggin-dicularious! Yes, dicularious. You’ll get it.
  7. Wow, it’s been a while since I checked in on the editing… been busy doing nothing, you see. 😛
  8. Meh… I go by my old saying… if the first is balls, the second sure as hell has a good chance of being balls, too!
  9. Well, someone likes the greeniness of my page! Ya, I was just looking at the themes under customize, and then I had a sneezing fit, and when I got control of myself again, the page was GREEN! WOOT!
  10. On Gorm Avenue EXTREME: "Hey, this seems to be your first run. Sorry to cramp your style, but there might be some noobs out there who wouldn’t be able to figure this out for themselves (no offence :D)."
  12. Just thought I’d upload a pic of my dragons. I’ve started collecting them recently, cuz I think they’ll breathe a bit of life into my boring room! Maybe a bit of fire, too, hehe. Sorry, bad joke.
  13. Anyhoo, hopefully I made your head explode with excitement! Bye!
  14. Ever heard of Alienware? If you haven’t, and you’re a gamer, then you haven’t lived. Well you have, but you metaphorically haven’t lived because Alienware gives life to unliving things. Even though it doesn’t. BUT ANYWAY!
  15. If I’ve depressed you right now, that’s easily fixed. Just go eat some chocolate and get a coffee or three. Watch TV Burp, and eat skittles, minstrels and blue M&M’s. They’re good for that sort of thing.
  16. *bangs head on keyboard* tgbyhnbhn. There you go.
  17. I wish they changed the English exams to FREESTYLE English. So you can write whatever you want. I mean, that’d be so much better than having to write something that some idiot told you to write. Like a house description. "Uhh, it’s a big house, with windows and a roof, and a door and another door in the back if you want to not use the front door, and when you go through the door you’re in a room with another door, and if you go through that door you’re in a biiiiiiiiiiiiiig room with more doors, and those doors lead to other biiiiiiiiiiiiig rooms…"
  18. Ya, so Si, and Dan, and everyone doing ICT, don’t worry about your grades. Just old dicks with ‘tashes and no dicks dicked up our dicking grades.
  19. Don’t expect me to see me at Induction Day, unless I have to or I decide to kick Gibbons up the ass or something.
  20. I dunno how she figured out how to get onto my space… oh wait, there’s this star next to all your contacts who’ve updated all their info. Ya. DAMN THAT STAR!
  21. Haha! Now it’s double-password protected in a password protected hidden encrypted read-only folder!
    Wait… how do I get in?
  22. Oh my god… three pages of A4 in one chapter… why the hell don’t I do that in school?! Oh, wait, because writing about a house isn’t interesting. 😛
  23. Hahaha! COLD MOUNTAIN?! Haha!! Hahaeehhh… what’s that?
  24. Si: "I read all ya blogs lol"
    Me: "That’s great, dude."
  25. Wish I was a five-fingered-freak. I would seriously PWN on that game then. Oh my god, AND I could stick two fingers up TWICE on ONE HAND AT ONCE! THAT’S FOUR INSULTS IN ONE SHOT! ACE!
    Who does DNA science or whatever you call it around here? I wanna nother finger. 😀
  26. I just like the VIP mode at the start where the announcer dude says "VIP" in a really accidentally cheesy voice. *american* "Vee Eye Pee"!
  27. EA Speck! (It’s in the mong!) 😀
  28. Hey, now that you mention it, this one’s a… yeeeaaahhh… for the next… yeeeaaahhh…! I’m REALLY good at hiding spoilers.
  29. I tell ya, if she’s an amateur, then WHAT THE HELL AM I?! Some sort of pre-evolutionary glob on the side of a cliff?
  30. No exist = no realism = SCREW ALL YOU NERDS! = MongMaster happy boy.
  31. It may have cost the hoaxers so much just to model the dragon and make it seem realistic, but if I was one of them, I would be STILL laughing about it. Convincing a whole CONTINENT that one existed, hahaha! I would be dancing on my roof with champagne.
    Even though I don’t like champagne. 🙂
  32. Rocks are… ROCKS! They contain ROCK! And NOTHING! Maybe the odd bit of precious metal if you’re lucky! But nowadays they contain helium and methane?! Wow! Soon enough, the Wembley Stadium in 2012 will be sponsored by R-Power! Yes! Rock Power! They could even run a FURNACE! Technology these days, huh?
  33. Aha! I have an antidote for the English lessonitis! And that’s to bribe your school into using Dragon Worlds instead of Blue Mountain!
  34. You see? I forget stupid titles that have absolutely nothing to do with the genre of the story! Cold Mountain a LOVE STORY?! Why the hell didn’t they call it Pink Mountain or Warm Mountain or Volcano of LURVE (of doom)?!
  35. And about the telepathy, as everyone says that most dragons can do telepathy *strangles all that do*, then maybe I’m slooowly transforming into one!
    Nah, don’t be stupid, Mong, that’s ridiculous. *flicks tail, and burps out fire* Ahem, ‘scuse me. 😀
  36. So, I quickly got REALLY pissed off after the 20th minute, banged my head on the window, said "Shut up, you bastard conciousness!" and hit the big SUBMIT BOTTON, nearly resulting in an extremely loud "OH SHIT!"
  37. I FRIGGIN HATE stories that do that, they just say, "this is George, this is Fred, now they’ve met at a gay bar and are now on a mission to take over the world" and then go to the story!
  39. Yes, England lost the rugby cup, whatever. But I don’t really care about that, even if they had won, so let’s move onto the more interesting news…
  40. This is what the problem is with my Advanced Improvisation V2.0, if one thing makes no sense, the whole thing collapses underneath you like a fat man sat on a wooden bridge!
  41. Okay, I think I must have killed everyone or something. 😛
  42. (Warning, you’ve just read a possible spoiler! Sorry for not pointing that out to you earlier. :D)
    So that’s… die… or get a detention from Williams. That… is a tough choice.
  44. Um… run that Cold Mountain crap past me again? About a sexually frustrated man, who loves this girl… and won’t stop being sexually frustrated ’till he sees her? WHAT IS THAT?! Who wrote that book? Some sexually frustrated man? Why doesn’t he just go see her?! Is her house blocked by a COLD MOUNTAIN?! Is there this giant yeti called COLD MOUNTAIN that won’t let any sexually frustrated men cross his bridge of women?
    WHAT DOES SEXUALLY FRUSTRATED MEAN?! Is he mad that his dong isn’t long enough? Or are his girlfriend’s buns a bit too cold? Yeah, that’s it! The woman’s buns are so cold because she’s living on top of COLD MOUNTAIN!
    Is there anything about a cold mountain actually in the story? Did they meet on Everest or something, and he got so cold and got lost and got sexually frustrated while his girl built a house on top of Everest and now he can’t find her again?
  45. Right, so I have this incredible vision of TELEPATHY. Yes, TELEPATHY.
    Then I scrapped that, and made RMS.
  46. …if a human could clear 20ft of dragon tail without getting owned, then I’m a cosmic pig.
  47. Oh, and careful of Wilkinson: she might be stalking you and ONE DAY… SHE’LL JUMP ON YOU! Like, literally. Yes, with the humping and the erotic sounds and stuff. That’s gonna take a few seconds to come out of your mind, isn’t it? 😀 Ha.
  48. Dragon Tail also kinda makes sense because of the plot spoiler that I can’t tell you otherwise you’d know most of the ending and the whole story would be ruined, because the ending is… whoops, looks like all the letters that were in the ending of the story just suddenly shorted out on my keyboard as I typed it! Ah well.
  49. Sounds DOODERIFFIC! I bring cake. 😀
  50. Well… I was on a roll writing it! Why stop at nine when you can do TEN! And that’s… a new record for the most retarded saying EVER!
  51. Maybe, he may not like it if it doesn’t have the fight between Whirlwind and Ice without them rolling some hundred-sided dice in it. Hehe. 😀 Okay, I’ll stop!
  52. Hell yeah! Rrroasted chav! (now speaking like Tony the Tiger) They taste shhhhhit!
  53. No, suck MY kiss!
  54. I read several stories on a subject, find they all have the same ending and incredibly boring characters, and then ASSUME they are ALL the same from then on, before moving to another type of story. And then I get bored after about seven years and play DIG-DUG, which is much better, as it has NO END and is ALWAYS DIFFERENT! And has that cheesy yet brilliant music in the background that only plays when you move. 😀
  55. And that’s the story of my life, dude! Was born, got educated while reading several boring stories all with a predictable ending, stopped reading, played a games console, got hooked, suddenly became extremely interested in traditional dragons for some reason that I don’t even know, read dragon stories (all with the same ending), suddenly got bored and annoyed of thinking dragons were horrible creatures and started building my own myth about them, stopped reading FOR GOOD, started writing, made Beat The Computer, started blogging and HERE I AM NOW, TALKING ABOUT IT TO A READER THAT HAS NOW FALLEN ASLEEP!!
  56. Something like a Toni+Guy type hair thing. Something girls use. See, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT’S CALLED!
  57. About Assassin’s Creed: Suddenly, a drunken person pushes me, not into anyone, and the guard goes "GET HIM!" I thought "Hang on… the…" and then I stopped thinking because my screen flashed white and I was under attack by TEN GUARDS FOR BEING PUSHED BY SOMEONE ELSE! WHAT?!
  58. About Assassin’s Creed: Half the time you can finish his sentence FOR HIM! For example:
    Altair: Wait, there is one thing more I need from you.
    Man: What is it?
    Carl: Your life!
    Altair: Your life.
    Carl: *SHING* Altair rams blade in!
    Game: *SHING*
    Altair: *Rams hidden blade in man’s stomach*
    Carl: And out it comes, and man falls down.
    Altair: *Takes hidden blade out*
    Man: *falls down*
    Carl: *Licks finger and pretends to put out a match*
  59. Same with Halo 3! AI was STUPID, especially the guys on your team who seemed to think that the right way to the next area while they were driving was UP A WALL…and the Master Chief was still just a dude called John in a suit of retardedly badly named armour called MJOLNIR!
  60. Merry Christmas-speck! Yes, I’m late, I know. But do you know what AOL gave me for christmas? A WHOLE DAY WITHOUT INTERNET CONNECTIVITY, AND A BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH! Maybe I should send them a virus back, you know, for a late christmas present? 😀
  62. Anyway, it’s 2008! Go hump a rock, or do whatever your new year’s resolution is! Mine’s to drink this bottle of Yazoo in less than 30 seconds. HERE WE GO!
  63. There’s a breakdance move called the SPINNEROONIE?! Lemme see! That’s if my internet isn’t being a cock.
  64. Hey, Microsoft! I don’t give a COCK if David E won about £658,000! Stop bugging me! Norton AntiSpam… ON! HA! Bitch!
  65. Oh, hang on a tick… it kept hitting you with a BOOM? That was me with the rocket launcher. *puts it away*
  66. I can give away his name, it’s B… oh, crap… my battery ran out on my keyboard and I totally forgot what I was gonna say! Meh, ah well… what’s next…?
  67. Ahaha… yes, this is all knowledge of mine, straight from my mind! Hehe… ehh… whatever. *closes 682 page book*
  68. MongMaster says this doesn’t work anymore. 😦 Shan and I tried it in another convo and no-one reacted to it. Meh! Never mind. There’ll be something else. BALLS OF STEEL!
  69. When in doubt – say MUFFIN!
  70. Right, so I’m on Steam, just on the home page thing. I look to the right and see "EVE Online puts the MMO in Steam". Which is a pretty stupid title for an article, because Steam doesn’t have "MMO" in it! Retards!
  71. Do you have a spare missile? I’d do that! 😀
  72. You SHOULD be thinking "Awww, how sweet!" in the next one. That is, if you have an IQ over 20. 😀
  73. Besides, publishing a book and then saying you have no type of English qualification at all is just cool. 😀
  74. Speaking of ass kicking, here’s me kicking ass with a kickass screenshot!
  75. I want a case that kinda shouts out "LOOK AT ME! I’M AWESOME!" when you look at it. 😀
  76. Yes, "her". She’s my baby, the Pwnage-O-Matic. I’ve built her myself, so she’s my baby!
    Don’t look at me like that! Weirdo.
  77. And if you get an ASUS Striker II Formula, don’t do a MongMaster and forget to turn the board on!
  78. *kzzk* Hello, this is your captain MongMaster, now speaking to you from the Pwnage-O-Matic Power Machine. The current temperature of the cabin is currently around a relatively average 45 to 50 degrees celcius, and the CPU is running at full efficiency at a mere 35 degrees… and it looks like it will be staying quite cool too, as the main cooling fan is spinning at around 2500RPM. We hope you enjoy your stay. *kzzk*
  79. And then I said: "OH… MY… COCK."
  80. If you’re one of those dumbasses, then go’n’ave a baff, you fafersanir (son of a bitch)!
  81. Pwnage l33t n1n74 wr171n9 5k1llZ FTW!
  82. First place goes to Dragons, second goes to Phoenix(es? i? s?) and third goes to griffons/gryphons. Everything else can be summed up in one word! "Eh."
  83. But I have to cut J.K Rowling some slack, about 3/7ths of it, anyway. First book, good, second book, good, third book, brilliant, fourth book, "Eh.", and then the graph looks like you’ve just been down the rollercoaster Oblivion and crashed into a mountain. That was somehow… facing sideways underground. But there you go!
  84. There’s nothing wrong with saying the word "Dragon", for God’s sake, you stupid writer! I’ll teach you! Start speaking slowly, and put your tongue near the top of your mouth, move your lips right slightly and move your tongue back, open your mouth wider, then start a "gu" sound from your throat, round your lips and put your tongue in the middle of your mouth, and finish by putting the tip of your tongue on the back of your upper teeth! Drrraaagggooonnn!
  85. Again, I went on for too long there, but I think I made a point. And my CPU temperature went up by two degrees as I was writing that! Rawr! HoT sTuFF!! 😀
  86. 2008 is the GREATEST YEAR for TV adverts! You’ve got the new Snickers advert, the Sacla’ advert… and there’ll be more to come, I hope! MR. T IS BACK! AND MY FACE IS NOW ON THE PACK! *fanfare as Mr. T shows you a snickers bar with his face on it*
  87. How would they be able to give a point-first thrust when the sword is a broadsword? Broadswords don’t HAVE a point, they are BROADswords! NOOBS!
  88. And a question: would you class a Red Dragon as a colour or an actual species? BOTH is not an answer for the plain and simple reason that if there was a Red Dragon colour and a Red Dragon species, you would technically have to call a red dragon a "red Red Dragon". Plus, if the Red Dragon could be different colours (which it would, cuz you’re not classing it as a sub-species), you would get some absoloutely retarded names, such as "blue Red Dragon"!
  89. I am SO going to kill someone at Halifax on Wednesday. The ability of being able to withdraw money from cash machines at the expense of HALF my interest rate AND being able to withdraw over £300 in one day? That is EXTRA?
  90. It might be a little while, as I’ve gotta do this retarded UML and OOD report that forces you to say that it’s oh-so-amazing when in actual fact it is a pile of utter garbage that seriously makes me wonder WHY THE CRAP people would even want to TOUCH it. Whoever invented it needs to be shot.
  91. You get me? No? Good, I was born that way. 😀
  92. I finished "creating" a game, and it’s not too bad for a first attempt! In fact, it’s so brilliant that if I don’t get a distinction for it, the markers are retarded in the head!
  93. He CONSTANTLY gets Lefty Flip and Double Notes powerups, and I can’t contend with Lefty Flip and Double notes is only possible if you’re a CYBORG. And they don’t seem to exist nowadays!
  94. GTA is just MORE than awesome. It’s AWESOMENESS ON AT LEAST EIGHTY STICKS! Maybe even a hundred! If you haven’t got it, then I have one thing to say. HA. Have fun trying to find a place where you can buy it.
  95. Research Work for pre-production techniques about TV advertising + GAME DEVELOPMENT course + IDIOT teachers with no organisation skills = EPIC FAIL!
  96. UPDATE!!
    I overchewed a gumball and now I have a horrible taste in my mouth!
  97. :O
    How do you do that?! How do you fit ELEVEN dragons in your house?! 😀
  98. And I’m not better than JK Rowling. YET. She has money and artists and mansions and shit like that. I need them, and then a Moller Skycar M400 with a licence to fire rocket launchers, and access to a depot full of AK-47’s. THEN I’m set. 😀
  99. Otherwise, Mr. Bot, fuck off. You’re wasting my Rock Band playing time, and my Dragon Tail writing time, too. Go join the uSuk clan on COD4.
  100. And most of the blurbs lost me in a split second. For example, one I saw went just like this: "The (random word)" YOU LOST ME!
    I diid it! I diid it! Haha HAA! *singsong* I made someone cryyy just by using wooords, nya nya nyanya nya! WOOO!
  102. And another bonus was the fact that I have two GeForce 8800GT’s to kick graphical asshole! Maximum framerate on maximum graphics with maximum widescreen resolution FTW!! 😀
  103. See, we can’t even agree on what is bad enough to make Ped bad enough to not be able to reply! :O
  104. Chatterbox: Lol ok, you wanna play it like this? 😛 "sometimes" is definitely not often enough, and "perhaps" is not enough to describe how often Ped is an idiot! IF that makes any sense! 😛
    Me: You could’ve just said Ped fails at life. 😛 Then you’d have won. 😛
  105. He is now "Pingo the Lazy Staining Parrot" on my Skype. "Pingo" cuz that’s Latin for "Stain", "Lazy" cuz he’s a lazy bastard, obviously, "Staining" to emphasise that he stains, and "Parrot" because he managed to repeat something that someone said three times in a row without realising it.
  106. I’m going to make a T-shirt for them all with "Choose Life" written on it for Christmas. 😛
  107. Firstly, can I say that the people (yes, PEOPLE) who are all searching for the smallest cock in the world, please, all of you, take off your nappies (that’s English for "diaper", all you from the US and A) and LOOK THE FUCK DOWN! Jesus Christ! CHOOSE LIFE!
  108. Well, actually… not really… if they argue that, I’d just remind them of the Saw series and the hundreds of Cert 18 horror films, and it’s automatic win for me! 😀
  109. You never know, if Dragon Tail is released and it’s well recieved and I do a good job, it might go mega… and maybe some people will want to buy the rights to make a film from me… anything’s possible… 😛
    Apart from falling through the ground and ending up in China. 😛
  110. I AM getting better at the luurrrve scenes, I find! Have no idea HOW, as I have next to ZERO interest in a girlfriend or getting married or being SEX Z(ee), but there you go. 😛
  111. I call him Voldy cuz I actually can’t be arsed to write out his full name. Anyway, it sounds quite a boring name. Voldemort… zzz…
  112. NINETEEN?! OMFG… you’ve set the 19 bug off now… N-N-N-N-N, N, N, N… N-N-N-N-N, NINETEEN! SAIGON! S-S-S-S-S-S-S-SAIGON!!!!
  113. And lol @ you having to get results… lol @ General Studies… lol @ your French mark (try less harder :P)… lol @ your exams… and lol @ Kingsley. 😛
  114. So there you go. The best puzzle in the world, well suited to modern Redditch. 😛
  115. Hate ickle kids anyway, all they do is cry and poo and cry and poo some more. Then they sleep, and wake up by crying cuz they’ve pooed themselves.

Surprised 115?! Nice. Open-mouthed

Yes, random, but I couldn’t think of much else to say. Tongue out

Wait, WTF AM I ON ABOUT?! I got something to say! Open-mouthed
I had a hands-on with the Samsung Omnia today! Open-mouthed Wasn’t a LENGTHY or DETAILED hands-on, we just went to the Vodafone shop and had a look at it for real. It’s… MUCH MUCH smaller than I expected, but FUCK, ME, it looks good. I didn’t get to try EVERYTHING, mainly cuz the thing was so badly arranged, I couldn’t find the notes application to try the handwriting recognition, and I couldn’t figure out how to turn the SatNav on. I tried the internet, but that was just WAP internet, and I couldn’t figure out how to make it go landscape or look better than it was. I accidentally found the optical mouse, which is quite amazing. Open-mouthed Everything else, though, I couldn’t find. Sad
It is quite something… it’s smoother and faster than my Dell, it’s better than my phone, it’s like upgrading both at the same time! Open-mouthed And there’s NOTHING else I can think of that they could have put in! I mean… you name it, it’s got it! Within reason, of course. Hasn’t got an embedded nuclear warhead, but it can do lots of other stuff. Tongue out
Can’t wait until I get it and actually treat it properly, unlike the retards at Vodafone! They didn’t actually know what most of the features were, the menu and stuff wasn’t customised, and the card that was advertising it was BLANK. Basically, dudes at Vodafone, it’s an underpowered LAPTOP in a PHONE. With GPS, Bluetooth and a 5MP camera. ‘Nuff said. Tongue out
Anyhoo, that’s a little while away, and I have Spore to look forward to until my B’day! Open-mouthed
Kay, I’d better be off, I is sleepy. Bye bye! Smile

2 thoughts on “Funny crap…

  1. Hey! How are you!
    Lol! That’s great! And you know what’s weird is I actually remember you saying most of those! Lol! I DEMAND that you do blogs like that more often! 😛 lol!
    OH WOW, the Samsung Omina sounds SOOO cool! WOW! 🙂
    Anyway I have to go, so I’ll see ya later! 😀 Oh yeah, I’m gonna edit DT either tonight, or tomorrow, once I’ve finished my French!

  2. Hehe… well, if you want ’em as long as this, wait ’till next year, and I SHOULD have another one. 😀
    Samsung Omnia FTW. 😀

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