I’ve got balls of STEEL!

I’ve got balls of STEEL!
Yes! Well, okay, no I haven’t.
We were messing around at college, right, and we found this guy on YouTube that logs onto Ventrilo¬†servers and just ABUSES everyone using sound effects! (Ventrilo’s a VoIP program, like¬†a online voice chat application, loads of nerds use it to talk to their guild on World Of Warcraft¬†or Lord Of The Rings or whatever shite¬†nerdy MMORPG they are playing over voice chat. Open-mouthed¬†Nearly everyone calls it "Vent".)
I have a few here if you’d like to look:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE3KdcTgrno&feature=related¬†<< Duke Nukem style! (This one;s got a psychotic woman in it, and it’s got a lot of swearing. "I’M GONNA KILL YOU MOTHERF**KER, OLD STYLE!" :D:D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bIVTT4fgPQI&feature=related¬†<< Ohhh, dude, four strength, four stam leather belt! AHHH! Level 18? UHHH-HUUU! WoW nerd! The abuser recorded some guys voice and was playing it back ūüėÄ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9wgSDTABf1I&feature=related << Who is this? This is me, Arnold Schwarzenegger! Open-mouthed
And there are more if you’d just want to search for "Ventrilo Harassment"! Open-mouthed
Anyhoo, did y’all get my new mobile number? I sent a mass-text out and then I couldn’t get any signal. I’ll resend it if any of you didn’t. Ant SHOULD have recieved it, and Andy should have, too, because I got delivery reports for them. Everyone else… none!
I’m not posting it here, only a DUMBASS would do that.
Dragon Tail… wow. We’re nearly at Meriva, the last chapter I’ve written so far,¬†and I’ve got the story going very well into it. Now, after Meriva, it might take a while, as I’m actually¬†creating¬†NEW chapters, not refining old ones.
When you read Meriva, you’ll probably understand what the aim of that chapter¬†was. Open-mouthed¬†Or should I say "Aims"?
Alright then! I see you later!


Yes, if you hadn’t noticed, I ordered my G9 just now! No, not with my own card, did you ever think that was gonna come within the next three years? No, I was a smartass, and as I can get around nearly anything, I set up a transfer from my bank account to my Mum’s and transferred the money across, so I could get the mouse! BANZAI! Yes, she knows that I did it, and she said I could, so don’t think I just did it because I’m a sad ickle boy and wanted to get my mousey before my DAMNED CRAPPYFAX debit card came. Well, I have been waiting THREE MONTHS for it, it’s driving me insane!
I’m gonna record my first usage of it, too, so you can see how good it is! And if you do get one after you’ve watched my video¬†(which you probably won’t, as it’s ¬£73,¬†and only an idiot would spend that much on a shaped piece of plastic with a lot of gadgets in it that can help you win a lot of online games) then¬†tell me so I can get affilate money off Logitech. Open-mouthed
Speckeroonie! I’ll see you later! Bipalurba!

Bipalurba: EXPLAINED!

I thought it would be a nice time to explain the word "BIPALURBA"!
Well, it’s really weird how I found it, really, I was watching Bargain Hunt (No, I do NOT watch it often) and you know the part where they discover how crap they’ve done after the auction? You know, where they go "Well, that’s minus 8, minus 30 and minus 20, and your bonus buy got you another minus 3, so that’s a total of -¬£61, it COULD be a winning score!" and then there’s that music jingle after it? Well that’s where the word comes from, THE MUSIC JINGLE!
Have a sound clip! Just click play or download or whatever. Open-mouthed
HAHAHA! Whoever made that song is both a total idiot and a genius! Its made BIPALURBA frenzy in my house, and now EVERY¬†MOBILE PHONE IN THE HOUSE¬†has it as the ringtone or the message tone! Except my mum’s, she doesn’t get the novelty of it. Open-mouthed
Alright then! I’ll be going now. Bye!
(PS: Dragon Tail will be here soon, don’t wet yourself! Open-mouthed)


Yes, so I was searching on the internet for some random utilities that might help me with writing Dragon Tail or just for a larf, so I found THESE TWO PROGRAMS!
(hang on a tick, let me just get it going…)
There was once a moot who’s name was moot. The moot was a very mootlike moot, with all the moot and moot of a real moot! this story makes no sense at all, but I really don’t care, as I’m writing it apparently at 69 WPM! HAHA!
There we go, that should do it. Open-mouthed
(CPM is Characters Per Minute, it really should be KSPM (Key Strokes Per Minute) but I messed it up and Paint only has three undo levels, so plah.)
They are just COOL! And sad. But there you go. 70 WPM maximum! I’m-a getting faster! Oh, and the speedometer (or TypOMeter as they call it) has a load of graphs telling you all sorts of useful and useless information, such as which keys you use the most and which keys you delete the most! And there’s also a graph showing you your WPM and CPM over the last five minutes, and it’s stupidly overly complicated! I have a scweenshot… one sec..
If you want to get these two near-useless-yet-fun-to-look-at programs then just ask, because I can’t actually remember the sites where I got them from. Open-mouthed¬†The Odometer will be useful for my new mouse, so I can tell if they were lying when they said the mouse feet would last 250km, and just cuz I can. ūüėÄ
That’s when I ever get my CARD!
The typometer is EXTREMELY useful when I’m writing Dragon Tail, I was burning along last night at about 65 WPM, which would get me employed nearly anywhere in an office! That’s if I had the qualifications. And the training to put up with whatever it is that I had to do! 500CPM!!
See how sad I have become? Open-mouthed
By the way, Dragon Tail now¬†is 102 PAGES OF A4 LONG¬†and has 63,927 WORDS!! BOOYAH! And I’m not done yet! I reckon that could be at 100,000 words by the time I’m finished! Open-mouthed
Speckeroonie! I’ll see you later! Bye now!


Bubabeepadipaleepalopadow, bubalopardeepadapadow, bupalabapabeepabeepabipalurba, yeah!
I’ll tell you at some point. Open-mouthed

This is pointless, but oh well!

Yes, I know I’m posting this about¬†10 minutes after my other blog entry, but I’ve just noticed Roy’s gamercard. He has a pathetic 3 1/2 star rep, and you get about a twentieth of a star for playing an online game and then not getting a review from them, or about a fifth of a star if they prefer you and they aren’t on your friends list. He’s played more than 40 games of GHIII online, so he should have 5* rep! And his zone is Recreation, which means "It’s not whether you win or lose, but it’s that everyone enjoys the game!" He must be such a cock online! That’s unless Microsoft changed the Rep system.
Oh ya, and Ped has about 89% good rep. It’s really funny how everyone has under-perfect rep when mine’s been at 100% for a whole year!¬†Sorry to boast, but you know, EVERYONE LOVES ME! Open-mouthedOpen-mouthedOpen-mouthed
I wonder what Neb’s % rep is… it’s cuz you can’t see people’s % rep unless you log onto their gamertag. I only saw Ped’s when I was ’round at his. Apparently Rich Fleeman’s (I think that’s his last name, not fat Rich, the other Rich) % rep is at about 20%!
Okay, now¬†that I’ve written¬†this pointless post that no-one really probably cares about, I’m gonna be going now. Bye!

Dragon Tail – Chapter 25!

Yet another big one! This one was a real bitch to get right, I just hope I have. Oh… cock, hang on… see? It’s still giving me problems! One minute…
Yeaahh! That got it! Okay, here you go:

(Removed, cuz of fear of plagiarism. Call me paranoid.)


Ah, this plot just keeps getting more mysterious, huh? You’ll never guess what happens at the end, I promise you. Go ahead, give it a shot! You’ll get it wrong!
Anyhoo, how do you like this one? It was a really annoying chapter to get right, as I’ve been saying, and there might be a lot of stupid mistakes,¬†but I think I did okay.¬† Right?
Commentize me if you want! And I’ll be going now. Bye!
(PS: Did you like that huge Draconic conversation? It took a lot of headbutting walls to get that! Well… okay, only two, when¬†I couldn’t find any words to warp. Open-mouthed)


Yes. Open-mouthed
Okay, maybe I shouldn’t get all excited. I was playing Kwari just now, and I was SERIOUSLY owning with my new favourite weapon – the Shotgun! I had the pill and I was owning EVERYONE who came after me! Usually it’s the other way around! I was $13 up in¬†THREE MATCHES just by trading gunfire and getting a $4.50 pill jackpot ONCE! And then I go and complete a key series first, and get another Bronze Jackpot worth about $16! BOOYAH!
It’s a shame it’s fake money though. Sad¬†I would have won half what I get for a week’s¬†EMA in TWO HOURS! Wait, no… ONE hour! Open-mouthed
I’ve really got to give it a try for real, that’s when Halifax HURRY THE CRAP UP with my piece of plastic with an electronic chip in it! But for now, it’s back to some more Kwari practicing with fake money that everyone seems to lose apart from me… hey, hang on, maybe I’m the reason why everyone’s got no virtual cash left! Open-mouthed¬†Ahh, I’m such a bitch.
Dragon Tail should be up tonight or tomorrow, it’s really tough to get this one right. It’s because¬†I removed a character that was meant to appear about three chapters ago and now I’ve got to put him back in so that the story will¬†make sense and¬†go smoothly into Meriva!
Alright, I’ll see you later! Byee!

Alright! Now that most of you are confused…

Due to my NINE edits in the last blog entry, showing how painful free webhosts are, and then finding a much better one, you might all be confused about what link does what!
And here’s the answer: NONE OF THEM WORK AT ALL!
Forget every single link on this space before now, 000webhost decided to mess up so badly and delete them all for no reason! Well, except for my pictures and web pages. Here’s a list of new links:
The Devil Went Down To Georgia (finally):
Original TDWDTG Lyrics
My TDWDTG Lyrics (The Mong Went Down To Redditch):
Kwari (it’s bigger than YouTube’s video… I think… dimension-wise, the FILE size is exactly the same):


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ceEV53RWbcU (Just in case you want to see it on YouTube, probably faster than 4shared.)
Testing all those links now… Yup, they work nicely! Wow, they even stream from the site if you don’t wanna download them! There’s a little link somewhere on¬†4shared¬†that lets you download the file, just look, you’ll find it.
Holy crap, it even scans the files for viruses! Dude, this is great!
If you wanna see the whole file share, you can always go to the bottom of my space! It shows all the files and folders¬†in a handy, Windows-style window! If you wanna upload stuff for everyone to see, you can¬†go to¬†http://mongmastersfiles.4shared.com/! Upload whatever you want, I’ve got 5GB to burn!
Alright then! Now that that’s sorted, I’m gonna multi-upload all my 2GH and LGH¬†videos now! Bye!
EDIT: By me saying "anything you want", that excludes porno, you sick sick people. Not like anyone’s uploaded anything yet, anyway, so I’m just telling you, anything but PORNO.
Oh, and by the way, the file share at the bottom is really annoying sometimes, like, when you click on a folder, it takes you straight to their website and asks for a username and password.¬†If that happens, then just click back on your browser and you should be able to open folders and stuff without it changing pages. Don’t ask me why it does this, because I have NO IDEA!
EDIT 2: I’ve just found that if you use the bit at the side for navigating around, then it won’t bug you for a username! So use the navigator at the side of the shared window. Open-mouthed¬†You can still click on files in the main window to open them without it moving to another page. just not folders.

Jesus, a load of people are visiting my space today!

Yes, hello to all you people! I’ve had a shock¬†14 views today so far, and they are ALL redirected from Google, all searching for Kwari! I didn’t know that¬†Kwari was THIS popular! Or am I passively advertising it?¬†I backtracked to one of those searches… and… hahaha! Can you guess which result is mine? It was at the bottom, standing out SO MUCH!
Hey… hang on a tick… where’s¬†my video and song gone?! For God’s sake, 000webhost, can you stop deleting my stuff, you cocks! Jesus! It takes me 10 minutes to upload them, and then¬†you just go ahead and DELETE THEM for NO REASON!
AH¬†HA! Eat Read-Only attributes, dumbasses! If they manage to delete that now, I really don’t know how they did it. If they do, I’ll just have to put all my videos and songs in ZIP files. I would put them in RAR, but no-one KNOWS RAR. No-one that I know, that is. Except Ped. And Neb. And Andy. And Dan.
Alright! That’s all I wanted to say right now. Bye!
EDIT: It DID IT AGAIN! Cocking 000webhost! Alright, I’m zipping them!
EDIT 2: Okay, now if these files are deleted, 000webhost is just doing it for a laugh.
Now, if you have a working copy of Windows, you should be easily able to open them! If you don’t, then get WinZip. If you can’t be arsed to get Winzip, then head on over to www.youtube.com! I’m uploading it there!
EDIT 3: It DID IT YET AGAIN! Christ’s sake! Does this webhost have some sort of irrational HATRED for all files that actually DO something?! Like ZIP files and WMV files, and MP3’s?
Hey, hey, wait! mongmaster.000webhost is working!! Even though it’s saying "invalid password" when I’m actually entering the correct password!
Eh?! My old account has just been deleted for no reason in the world! AND THEY NEVER E-MAILED ME ABOUT IT! Alright, whatever, whatever, I’ll just delete that site in WS_FTP…
Right, now A FREE WEB is being a cock and not letting me log in… that’s that one off the list… oh, hang on, now it’s let me in. For God’s sake, a life lesson for you: NEVER EVER BOTHER WITH FREE WEB HOSTS! They are ALL COCKS!
Right, while I’m dealing with SHITE webhosts, you can watch my Kwari video on YouTube! It’s… hang on…
THERE YOU GO! I’m off to deal with cocks now. Bye!
EDIT 4: Right, don’t be surprised if this gets up to EDIT 10 soon!
A FREE WEB won’t take any file that’s over exactly¬†4210688 bytes for some reason, so I might as well just get rid of that one… and here we go with Byethost!
And… that stops at exactly¬†4210688… as well… that’s THAT off the list… now… here we go with FreeHostia!
OH MY GOD IT’S DOING IT! I’m gonna post this bit now and I’ll update later. Smile
EDIT 5: Okay, now this is REALLY annoying! It got ALL THE WAY, and then the webhost just DELETED THE FILE for NO REASON! THAT’S deleted!
Okay, I’ve got a new webhost now! And I’m just gonna start it up! Just a sec…
Okay, PHP is up and running… no problems so far… now to upload a big file!
Right, it doesn’t allow WMV’s or pretty much¬†ANY video file. No matter, I’ll just ZIP it up!
WHAT?! It won’t allow ZIP’s?!! Well, HOW THE HELL do you host a website with files on it if you don’t support ZIP files?!
Now I’m trying a RAR file!
WHAT THE COCK?! It won’t allow THE MOST OBSCURE ZIP TYPE IN THE WORLD! This server is frickin’ gay!
Okay, now I’m getting annoyed. I’m going to the EXTREME! I am making the file type a new one, one that the world has NEVER heard of before! It’s the "IIFREEISGAYANDWONTLETYOUPUTANYTYPEOFFILEHERE"!
What?! It won’t allow THAT, either?! What the hell?!
AHA! Suck my virtual cock, IIFREE! Eat FAKE JPG!
Right, when this is upload… what?! Max file size, ONE MEG?! Okay, this webhost is shit! Yes, we’re going to fill a WHOLE 5GB site with files all under¬†1MB! I’ll be back when I find a site that WORKS!
EDIT 6: Okay! Now it seems that I can either have the song or the video on the file share, but not both! Here’s the song, and go to YouTube for the video!
EDIT 7: Aaaand there goes the music file AGAIN! There’s gotta be some sort of file hosting thing that’s not private and doesn’t give you about a million gigs of space and then limit you to uploading files that are only 4MB big.
EDIT 8: Found one! And the signup was so blindingly fast! It took TEN SECONDS! From start to finish! One sec, let me get used to it and set it up…
EDIT 9: All right! I got it! And the max file size is 100MB! BOOYAH! Problem is, it’s browser based, and there’s no FTP, and I like FTP, but ther browser version is so damned good! I’ve put a link to the whole file share at the right of my space, and I’ll give out links like I used to. If you really want, you can upload your own files into the SHARED folder!
NO WAY! There’s an embed code! GIMMIE!
*snatches Embed code*
Ah ha! Now I can display my file share on my space! BOOYAH! Be back in a tick!