Speckeriffic Doverey goodness!

Yes, "Doverey goodness"!
 
I was just going through some of the old videos I ripped from my camera for GH3, and I came across this really good one, Cliffs of Dover! Great song, AND there’s a really cool streakeriffic intro by me! I think I’ve got another video where we switched around and I played bass and he played lead…
 
Yoohoo, Cliffs Of Dover reversed…? Where arre youuu?
 
Okay, well, I can’t find that one, but I’ve got this one of Welcome To The Jungle where we did that! Yeah, I’ll stick that on because it’s just a great song. Open-mouthed
 
Wootah! They’re done! Here you go!
 
Bass is really too easy. Open-mouthed
 
Earspeck! And there’s an entry below on Dragon Tail that no-one’s looked at, if you haven’t already noticed. Open-mouthed That’s a good one.
 
Eekay! Bye!
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Dragon Tail – Chapter 23!

Alright! I did it! I said it would be here, and I DID IT! Cuz usually, you know, my internet goes or I forget because I’ve been overusing my 360 or something. Open-mouthed
 
I got Office 2007 (by legal means, of course, wink wink…) and it’s really good! I like the new colour scheme, and the way it tries to imitate a Mac. Kind of. The "Ribbon" is slightly annoying to get used to, but it just looks so… COOL! Like, really professional! Elegant! That’s the word!
The best part of it is the live word count in the bottom left. Well… NEARLY live. When I loaded up Dragon Tail, it took about 20 seconds to count the words! I mean, for a human that’s be stupidly insane, but a MACHINE takes that long to do it? Ah well. Right now, it has 60,013 words, which is actually LESS than earlier today, because I deleted some words. Obviously.
 
Okay! It’s checked and all set to be posted! Just one thing… nah, I’ll tell you afterwards. Open-mouthed Just in case you ignore half of the chapter trying to find the answer to the question.
 
Here you go!
 

(Removed, cuz of fear of plagiarism. Call me paranoid.)

 

 
NoteYeah… whoaho! There’s somethin’ in the air… whoaho, there’s somethin’ in the air… whoaho… there’s someth…Note
*ahem* Hi! *cheesy grin*
 
Oooh… just as you’ve been relaxing and getting increasingly tense, then BANG!! THIS chapter appears! I thought that was quite a good one, but that’s ME, the one who wrote it! So, what did you think?
Oh, and the question I was gonna ask earlier: can you guess which line REALLY made me cringe when I read it? I bet you can. I think…
Anyhoo, any questions/comments/suggestions/grammatical errors because of my stupid typing or stupid brain? Just post them into that BIIG box below! Thank youu!
 
Bye bye!
 
 
 

YEEEEEAAAHHHHHHHAAHAHAHAAAA! WHOOO!!!

AAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!
 
Sorry dudes, just a bit excit… YEAAHHH AHAHAHAHAHAAA!! …ed.
 
Okay, I’ll tell you! Firstly, I installed Office 2007, and it’s SO BLINDINGLY CONFUSING AT FIRST SIGHT! It’s good, though, still don’t understand why you need to put so many features on a WORD PROCESSOR, but there you go! But there’s this little word counter in the bottom left…
 
And when I loaded up Dragon Tail, that number was… 60,023! WHOOOHAAA! Dragon Tail’s now a NOVEL! WHOOHOO!
 
Yes, I know I’m getting so over-excited about my Novelette becoming a Novel. It’s just that I haven’t really written 60,000 words on ONE THING before! And NOW it’s actually classed as a full story, because it’s a novel and nearly every professional author writes novels! Not saying that I’m a pro or anything, I’m just saying I’ve written something that’s AS LONG as the pros!
 
Try and not make me go overboard. Don’t let me write an Epic! That’s 200,000 words long! Hmm… tempting… NO! NO NO NO!
 
Anyhoo, after that piece of excitement that was just ridiculously over the top, what else was I gonna say…
 
Oh yeah, I completed Bioshock. After… about a day. Started playing it on the 27th, and I finished yesterday. No, I wasn’t playing it non-stop! And no, it wasn’t on EASY! It was on Medium! It was good, good story, REALLY good twist at the end that I actually didn’t see coming (and believe me, I ALWAYS know when something’s coming in a story) and graphics were great! Sometimes it was just annoying, though. And the end was a bit sudden, it just threw you back to the main menu really quick, no credits or anything.
 
What else… yeah, AOL hates YouTube. It’s just crap, it loads 3 seconds in about five minutes or something! AND they said that they were upgrading their network! Maybe their definition of an upgrade is "Make everything go slower and crash more often".
 
Ummm… oh yeah, I fixed the We Three Kings video, I just named it wrong like a fool.
 
 
I’m gonna have the next chapter of Dragon Tail up here today, I just need to go over some last bits in it.
 
Earspeck, I think that’s it! Byee!

HO-FRIGGEDY-HO! Dragon Tail – Chapter 22!

Merry Christmas-speck! Yes, I’m late, I know. But do you know what AOL gave me for christmas? A WHOLE DAY WITHOUT INTERNET CONNECTIVITY, AND A BLUE SCREEN OF DEATH! Maybe I should send them a virus back, you know, for a late christmas present? Open-mouthed
 
What did y’all get? Cuz you know I’m a nosy arse and I like to know. Open-mouthed I’ll tell you what I got, I got (amongst other small things like shower stuff and deodorthings and other stuff that I can’t name off the top of my head) a LOT of sweets and chocolate, another dragon (the one on the dual-bike, or whatever it’s called, they look awesome!) Bioshock, and then my two main presents, an XRocker (I’ll tell you about that in a bit) and a 1080p HDTV, WHICH IS SO BLINDINGLY AWESOME!
 
An XRocker is this gaming chair that has speakers embedded in it, and that you can move around like an office chair! IT’S ACE! I was driving on NFS ProStreet with it on and you can hear every tiny thing go past you! It’s brilliant! It’s really comfy as well, and with the HDTV, it’s INSANE! I’ve never seen graphics like it before! If you have a 360, and you think the graphics are awesome on a normal TV, just get a HDTV, and just feel your mind blow out of the back of your head!
 
All I need now is a force-feedback steering wheel, and then I’ll be convinced that I’m really there, driving a car on NFS! Open-mouthed
 
And now I find that you can’t even buy a Gibson Les Paul Guitar Hero III Controller BY ITSELF. You can get them off eBay, but eBay is full of retards who sell stuff that’s half broken for incredibly expensive prices. Like my SD card I got. You can’t take it OUT of the thing that it’s in or the whole card will just corrupt itself.
 
Anyhoo!
 
As I promised, although it IS late, here’s the next chapter of Dragon Tail. I turbocharged this one and worked pretty hard on it, so I reckon it’s actually okay! I especially like the part after Whirlwind enters the place and sees the stuff and looks away, I reckon that’s really good. The part with his head. You’ll get what I mean. Tell me if you think otherwise, cuz usually when I think something’s bad it’s great, and it could work the other way around too.
 
Here you go!
 

22: The Sword and the Armour

 

The sun was setting, leaving its beautiful, orange glow across the Forest Realm. I love to watch the sun set. I remember when I was young, my mother and I would go by the lake close to our cave, lie down, and just watch the sunset, entranced by the sun’s beauty, even though Ice Dragons are incredibly weak to the Sun element. But… for the first time in my life, I wished that sunset had never come. Because at night… that’s when… the Nightmares come out.

Nightmares are truly horrible creatures that have a thirst for dragon blood. They do not have the strength to take on towns, but a single Nightmare could easily beat down and kill a lone dragon. They only appear at night, as they hate the sun. Not many dragons have encountered a Nightmare and lived to tell the tale, as they are so quiet, and amazingly powerful. Nightmares usually lurk deep in forests, specifically Dark Forests. Like the Netherworld Forest.

I soon arrived in the Ice Realm, just as the sun was half-set. Oh… Just to feel the freezing cold air run under my wings and against my face again… Just to see the pure white tundra and snowy forests again… just to watch ice sparrows flock around me, as if they were greeting me back, like I was an old friend of theirs… it was so much of a joy for me!

I flew in the direction of my family’s cave. It had been so long… I could only just remember where it was. My memory before I awoke in my slimy cave was still faint, even after some parts of it had been unlocked.

In the distance, I started to see my old cave. A beautiful, large, sturdy cave made of solid white ice and snow, my birthplace… where I grew up…

 

My mind suddenly showed me a forgotten memory, a memory that I wished I had never seen. I was flying towards the cave, and I heard screaming. I looked, and saw my sister outside; fleeing from what looked like me… my brother.

I saw him take a crossbow off his back, aim, and shoot my sister several times in the back, hearing her screams of pain, and I saw her collapse… bleeding chronically…

I quickly glided down to her, but before I could even get close, my brother had grabbed onto my back… I felt an intense pain on my neck…

 

Suddenly, I shook my head, and opened my eyes. I was lying on the ground near my cave, covered in snow, and with cold sweat running down my face. My wings were still stretched out… it was like my whole body had ceased moving, and I had just fallen to the ground while I was flying… I was lucky that the ground was covered with snow, otherwise I would have been seriously hurt.

I slowly stood up, my whole body quaking. I slowly wiped the sweat from my forehead, and folded my quivering wings by my side.

I looked at the snowy ground, and took several deep breaths. That was a horrible memory to relive… and it felt so real… like I was actually there… After a minute or so, I shook the snow from my body, and growled softly, to calm myself, and to steel myself for what was to come.

I slowly and shakily trudged through the deep snow to the mouth of the cave. With trembling claws, I put the runestone into the holder, and heard a click as the cave’s stone doors slowly opened.

Dim sunlight flooded into the cave, lighting only a small part of the cave. I slowly walked to a lantern that was bolted inside. I opened it, closed my eyes, and gently breathed fire onto the wick. The cave filled with light.

Tears started to fill my eyes, seeping between my eyelids, and running down the length of my muzzle.

“Surak virage… Surak virage, Sintarka…” I whispered.

(“Stay strong… Stay strong, Whirlwind…”)

I slowly opened my eyes…

 

I immediately looked away when I saw it. It made me retch, and just suddenly made me feel ill. I had seen so much blood already… but… just to think… this was the blood of my own mother and father… they died for no cause… in pain… they were all I had…

 

My own mind started to speak to me.

“Be strong, Whirlwind… you must let it go…”

I shook my head.

“Let it go…” It repeated.

“N… no… they… they…” I stammered, feeling as if I was going mad.

“Just let it go. They are gone… it is tragic… but they are watching you now, in the care of the Gods…”

“How… how can you tell me to do this? You’re just my mind… I don’t obey you…! I obey my heart more than you!” I said, angrily.

“You have to obey your mind sometimes. Your heart loves them, and won’t let them go… but you are just going to make yourself unwell by doing that. Let them go, but just never forget…”

“N… no! I… I can’t! I loved them!”

“So you did. And they loved you. But you have to fight on. You have to let go of your past…”

I roared in anger.

“I already did! I know none of my past!”

“You know all of your past, Whirlwind. It is just locked away.”

I started to cry slightly. There were so many feelings running through my soul… fear, frustration, anger, and regret for coming back to this place.

“P-please… stop it… stop tormenting me!” I cried.

“Let your past go, and I will leave you to yourself.”

“No! No, I can’t!”

“Then you will never know peace. Just let them go. Their wish would be for you to get on with your life, not grieve over their deaths.”

“B… but they died for no reason at all! I was never there… I was never there to protect them…!”

“You could have done nothing, my child. I am sorry… and I can understand your pain… but… you have to let them go now.”

I stayed silent.

“Just live your life. Take revenge if you must, if it will bring you any peace…”

“I… I…”

I couldn’t get any words out. My legs and arms buckled with weakness. I collapsed to the ground, and started crying.

“Please, Whirlwind… you have to let it go. Just understand that they loved you. Do what you will to your brother, but do not weep over your family any more. Remember them always, but never stop your own life to weep over the loss of theirs. You are a talented dragon, and you should use your talents to their fullest… live your life. Never look back.”

The echoes of my mind disappeared, and I was alone again.

 

I was in a horrible state. I loved my family more than anyone could ever imagine, and I just wish that they hadn’t died like that. But… I knew the world needed my help against my brother, whether it wanted it or not. Nothing could bring my family back now. I had to fight for what was now, for the dragons of the present, and for the dragons of the future.

“Don’t look back…” I told myself, wiping the tears from my eyes, and standing up, bravely staring into the cave. I ignored the blood like it wasn’t there, and slowly walked towards my father’s rack of swords.

My heart jumped when I saw the white hilt of a sword that had a tag wrapped around it, with Draconic Script scrawled on it. I held the tag and read the script… “Sintarka”.

My father… he made this sword with his own two claws, for me…

I carefully lifted the sword from the rack, taking off the shining, metal belt that was clipped to it. The sword had a pure white hilt and a shining white metal sheath…

I unsheathed the sword and gasped in amazement.

The sword was unbelievable. It was incredibly detailed, and incredibly beautiful. The whole blade was icy white, and actually looked like a piece of pure ice. It varied in thickness, and it wasn’t just straight, the edge looked like gentle fire, with its dipping and curving edges.

The face of the sword was mainly encrusted with small, beautiful blue sapphires, but there were also some amazing diamonds and pearls there, too. The patterns that the jewels made were beautiful, just weaving, elegant patterns, and one of them seemed to resemble a Wyrm in shape. What interested me the most, though, was the Draconic Script that was gently etched along the sword’s face. When you looked directly at the text, it glowed with a beautiful, bright shade of orange. I tried to read it, but it was just nonsense. It might not have been Draconic Script at all; maybe it was just a strange pattern. There was another line of writing on the opposite side of the sword, but that was just as unintelligible as the first line.

I ran one of my silver talons across the edge of the blade, and a gentle ringing sound came from the sword as I did it, as if it was responding to me. The blade was extremely sharp, the sharpest blade I had ever touched. As I held the sword and slowly waved it, cool vapour elegantly trailed from the blade. I touched the blade, and it gave me an extremely cold sting. The sword was very, very powerful. I had to be careful with it.

I slowly sheathed the sword and put it back in the rack. I took the plated belt and fitted it, and then clipped the sword to it. Just by wearing it, I felt stronger, more confident… just like a true warrior. I felt protected by the sword, I knew it was there for me to use whenever I needed it.

I went to kneel down to give thanks to my father, but stopped when I saw a piece of rolled-up parchment lying near my feet. I looked at it curiously. Where had that come from? Had I just overlooked it? Did it fall out of the sword’s sheath? I doubt someone could have just placed it there when I wasn’t looking.

I picked it up, and unrolled it. It was a messily written note, and the writing was in Draconic Script. I read it, quietly whispering the words to myself.

 

“Whirlwind… my son… if you ever find this note, then I please ask you to take this sword, with my blessings. I was meant to give it to you when you turned eighty, but I never had the chance. Your brother… I never knew this would happen… I never imagined he’d use his bond like this… I am so sorry. Please, forgive a dying old dragon. Take what you need from this place, as we will not need it in the presence of the Gods. Always believe in yourself, Whirlwind…”

 

I rolled up the note, and wiped a tear from my eye. My father… he used his last strength for me… the last thing he thought of before he died was me… I felt so honoured… and I just felt as if he was watching me from the heavens… as if all of my family were watching me…

I looked over to the other side of the cave, at a cabinet that seemed to let off a faint white glow from inside. I cautiously moved to it, heart beating ever faster as I got closer. As I looked through the glass panes, I gasped again in amazement. With trembling claws, I slowly opened the doors. When they were fully open, I froze, and my mouth opened slightly in awe.

Before me was a full suit of dragon armour, and it was no less than the most incredible armour I had ever seen in my life. It was forged by my father’s own two claws, with so much love and attention. The armour was pale blue, and each piece gave off a beautiful faint white glow. Pure diamonds encrusted the armour in very specific places. It was completely spotless, it was just… just… awesome.

 

Another vision intruded my mind. I was young again, watching my father at his workspace, carefully and lovingly forging this very suit of armour.

“Father… there are holes in the gauntlets. Why? Do you mean to do that?” I asked.

My father laughed, and looked at me, smiling.

“Yes, I do mean to do that, my child. Why do you ask?” He asked me.

I shook my head.

“I… I am just interested, that’s all. I love watching you work, you look like you enjoy it.”

He nodded, and smiled at me again.

“I do.” He began to explain. “I don’t put the talon guards on the gauntlets, because dragons have different length talons. A dragon with very long talons wouldn’t be able to fit their claw into a gauntlet with very short talon guards, would they? And if the dragon’s talons are shorter than the gauntlet’s guards, the dragon may not be able to control his attacks as much. You understand me?”

I nodded.

“Yes, I do. It could help with climbing, too, right? And it’s more honourable to fight with your own claws, right?” I asked.

He looked at me, impressed.

“Why, yes! You are wise, for your age, Whirlwind! It seems we have a young warrior growing up, huh?”

I smiled with pride, and continued to watch him work.

 

I shook my head, and I was back in the cave again, still in front of the cabinet.

“So that’s why the holes are there…” I said, looking at the gauntlets and the greaves.

I looked to see if each piece of the set was there. The armour set consisted of a full body plate, two leg guards, two arm guards, a pair of talonless gauntlets, a pair of talonless greaves, a pair of wing guards and a beautifully designed helmet, with a pair of horn guards.

After seeing it was all there, and all in perfect condition, I reached out to take the body plate, and as I touched it, a cold feeling passed through my talons, down my fingers and through my blood, making me shiver, but in a pleasant way, that felt somewhat… protective.

I encased myself in the body plate. It fit perfectly. I couldn’t hold up the weight of it properly at first, but I eventually got used to it. I fitted the arm guards, and put on the gauntlets, flexing my fingers to get a feel for them. I then fit the leg guards, and the greaves.

It was strange to get used to having no talon guards in the gauntlets and the greaves. The gauntlets weren’t much of a problem, and actually felt better than having talon guards, but the greaves, I just couldn’t seem to grip the ground as well as I could without them on. I contemplated leaving them behind, but I just thought I would get used to them.

As I started to equip the wing guards, I ran into a problem. It was very difficult to fit one side, then fit the other side while keeping the first side balanced on the wing. It took me nearly fifteen minutes to get it right, and clip them together.

Most wing guards are designed so the two sides are hinged together, so you can easily fit them, but they do not mould to the shape of your wings, so some fighters find it uncomfortable and end up damaging their wings when they fly if the wing guards are too small or too large. Most of the time they couldn’t fly at all, because the guards were either too heavy or were very restrictive to movement. The ones that fighters could fly with were very thin, so they were horribly unprotective, especially to anything very sharp or explosive.

My father had worked hard, and had solved that problem, but this was the only set he had made. The guards were made from an extremely light material that we called Toramest, Draconic for “Weightless Metal”. It is strong enough for armour, but isn’t powerful enough for swords. The wing guards had about eight segments on each half of each wing guard, and that helped them mould to the shape of your wing, thus making it easier to fly. They worked, and were seriously protective and so light, but were just such a pain in the ass to get on.

I flexed my wings to test them. They felt awesome. To complete the look, I took the helmet, and put it on slowly. I picked up one of the horn guards, and suddenly remembered.

“You are hornless, dragon!” An evil voice screamed inside my head. “Hornless!”

I shook my head, and growled. I left the horn guards in the cabinet, sadly.

As I looked at myself in the mirror in the cabinet, even without my horns, I felt so powerful just wearing the armour. It gave me great confidence, and going to the Netherworld Forest no longer felt like such a daunting task.

I knelt down.

"Aretaka, Nafdak." I whispered, tears in my eyes.

I’m sure you can translate that by yourself, Human. I got back on my feet, and walked out of the cave proudly, head held higher than normal.

I took the runestone from the cave, and watched the stone doors slowly close. I looked into the distance for a few seconds, before taking off with the clinking of armour. I headed south, for the Dark Realm.

I shivered while I was flying. It wasn’t because I was cold, it was because I was just dreading going to that cursed realm. For as long as I could remember, I had hated Dark Dragons. The only one I had met nearly killed me. I just prayed I never ran into a Dark Wyvern. I hated Wyverns. Their intimidating appearance, their raw power, their hot-headed personality…

What’s more, the sun had set. Darkness.

Nightmares would be out now.

 
MERRY CHRISTMAS, DUDES! Actually, I’ve just noticed that Whirlwind goes back the the Ice Realm in this one, and I was meant to give you this for Christmas! Haha, that’s a pretty cool coincidence!
Anyhoo, what do you think? Just leave comments and stuff as always! Thank youuuu!
 
I’ll be off to play ultra-graphically supreme Assassins Creed on my 360 while sat on my awesome XRocker now. BYE!

We Three Kings! Well, two Guitar Heroes. Well… one and a rookie.

OH MY GOD! THREE POSTS IN ONE DAY! DOODERIFFIC!
 
Anyway, me and Ped found a song for Guitar Hero on Xbox LIVE Marketplace for free, it’s a guitar remix of We Three Kings, and it’s BRILLIANT! It’s INCREDIBLY HARD on Expert, but it’s GREAT! Lemme upload it, just a sec…
 
 
There you go! Just listen to some of our reactions, Ped starts with "AHHH THAT’S CRUEL!" and then I follow "OH WHAT THE HELL! I CAN’T BELIEVE I JUST DID THAAAAAT!" followed up by Ped saying "NO WAY! WHAT HAVE YOU GOT?!" and so it goes on. Open-mouthed
 
ENJOY!
 

THE EIGHTS OF DEATH!!

Just an extremely short one, because this one deserves its own entry.
 
HAVE YOU SEEN MY GAMERSCORE! THE AWESOMENESS IS UNBELIEVABLE!
 
 
WHOOOHOO! That’s the best Gamerscore IN THE WORLD! Sure, not the highest, but the COOLEST!
 
I just had to post it because when I get my next achievement (which will be very soon), you’ll never see the awesome Gamerscore again!
 
Bye!
 
(UPDATE! Just failed a song on GH3 90% of the way in, and got an achievement worth 5G. There goes the 8888 Gamerscore!)

Christmas updatey goodness!

Eespeck to you!
 
With only two days… no! ONE day until Christmas, I just have to say one thing.
 
FUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
 
I actually TRIED to get everyone a present this year, and I FAILED HIDEOUSLY! Mainly because walking to town is near-suicide down my lane, and I was busy with Dragon Tail and playing fun games, but…
 
Well, I haven’t 100% failed! Here’s what I got everyone!
 
Brother – Socks! No, really! He needs them, he said, so I got him them!
Sister – UNDETERMINED! Maybe a pink digibox (she really wants one of those), or a pink bin for her new apartment, or a pink George Foreman grill! That’s if I can get any of these things in 23 hours.
Brother’s Fioncee (Spelling?!) – Something like a Toni+Guy type hair thing. Something girls use. See, I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT’S CALLED!
 
AND THAT’S IT! I dunno what to get my dad or my mum, as usual, as they never actually suggest anything EVER. No, hang on, what am I saying?! We got them a present they’ll REALLY like! It’s a picture of me, my brother and my sister! And it cost 60 FRIGGIN’ QUID! Well, about £60, anyway, and we split the price, so, it wasn’t all that bad. Open-mouthed Fun photo shoot, too!
 
And for my mates, sorry dudes! I know, I know, you all hate me. The only thing I CAN do is turbocharge Chapter 22 and put it here for Christmas! That’ll be my Christmas present to you! It’s not much… I don’t think… but it’s SOMETHING!
 
Anyhoo!
 
I was on about Assassins Creed in one of my last comments and its absolute CRAP AI. Should be called AS, Artificial Stupidity.
I was in the middle of an Informer mission, you have to assassinate people. I had to assassinate five people in five minutes without becoming exposed. Sounds easy enough, huh?
I thought it did, too! I was happily going along, owning three people, and taking out someone on the roof, and when I get to the final one, I walk past a guard who is NOT informed, and they yell "ASSASSIN!" and I become exposed and fail the mission! WHAT THE HELL?! An uninformed guard doesn’t attack you unless you kill someone right in front of them, barge into them, attack them, draw your weapon or do something "socially unacceptable"! I was just walking along! So how in hell’s name could he just say that I’m an assassin when I’m doing absolutely NOTHING wrong?!
I try again, and I get to the third person. Then, some drunken dick pushes me INTO a guard, and then ALL the guards yell "ASSASSIN!" and start ATTACKING ME! WHAT THE HELL?!
Third time, I get to the second person, and I accidentally kill him RIGHT IN FRONT of another guard! What does the other guard do? NOTHING AT ALL! I run, and watch, and all of a sudden he kneels down to the dead guard and goes "Who did this? Tell me!" WHAT IN HELL’S NAME?! I then walk past him while he’s informed, using blend, which is allowed. Amazingly, he didn’t attack! Suddenly, a drunken person pushes me, not into anyone, and the guard goes "GET HIM!" I thought "Hang on… the…" and then I stopped thinking because my screen flashed white and I was under attack by TEN GUARDS FOR BEING PUSHED BY SOMEONE ELSE! WHAT?!
I did eventually manage to do it, and when I got to the final assassination, after I watched the cutscene, all the guards started attacking me FOR NO REASON! I was just WATCHING SOMEONE! No-one saw me! The target ran off, and I ran after him. Then the AI… wait… AS that controlled my guy started spazzing at me. I ran towards an open doorway, being chased by at least 20 guards. The AS, instead of just running through the doorway to my target like I asked so I could hit the X button and own him quickly, the AS randomly thought "Oh, he wants to run up the door frame and jump off into the crowd of guards! Okay!" and THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED! THEN I got thrown off the edge of the castle wall into the sea after the AS didn’t even TRY and register my grab break after a guard grabbed me, and as my guy can climb walls, beat the crap out of eight thugs and kill 25 guards in one battle without breaking a sweat, he CAN’T SWIM. What an assassin this freak is.
 
Assassins Creed is great. It’s got good graphics (unless you’re on HD, then they’re INCREDIBLE), great gameplay (although SHITE replayability) and an okay story. But then it all goes hideously wrong when you think about the AI and the CHARACTERS. The main character, Altair, he can do EVERYTHING but SWIM, and he has a PUSSY voice! ‘Scuse my French, but he just sounds pathetic and predictable! Half the time you can finish his sentence FOR HIM! For example:
 
Altair: Wait, there is one thing more I need from you.
Man: What is it?
Carl: Your life!
Altair: Your life.
Carl: *SHING* Altair rams blade in!
Game: *SHING*
Altair: *Rams hidden blade in man’s stomach*
Carl: And out it comes, and man falls down.
Altair: *Takes hidden blade out*
Man: *falls down*
Carl: *Licks finger and pretends to put out a match*
 
See? His voice is nearly as boring as Spyro, and that’s saying something! Yes, I hate Spyro’s voice actors, ALL OF THEM! They all SUCK!
This game didn’t deserve all the hype it got. Geez, everyone was peeing themselves over it, and it turns out to be slightly above average, all because of the AI and CHARACTERS ruining it! AGAIN!
Same with Halo 3! AI was STUPID, especially the guys on your team who seemed to think that the right way to the next area while they were driving was UP A WALL, and Legendary was only hard because snipers were programmed to nearly always hit you and all the damage they did was pretty much QUADRULPED from Normal mode. The characters had no soul at all, and the Master Chief was still just a dude called J**n in a suit of retardedly badly named armour called MJOLNIR! Sure, he looked cool, and sounded relatively cool, but you can get cooler photos of Spartans in Multiplayer, and the announcer in Multiplayer sounds EVEN COOLER THAN HIM! Come on, the announcer guy must have felt awesome as he recorded himself saying "Ovvverkillll!"
The Arbiter was the coolest, because he just looks brilliant, and he was NOT HUMAN! He was like a giant… alien… Covenant… THING! With a long neck, long fingers and hooves! And four parts to their mouth! He’s a THING! I DUNNO what to compare him to! And that’s great, ORIGINALITY! Cortana the AI… um… AS… S… was incredibly ANNOYING in Halo 3. She just kept popping up, slowing you down! It did your head in! Ending was pretty unpredictable really, so that was good. I won’t spoil it for you. It’s nothing incredibly special, anyway.
And Guitar Hero III? THAT was good, and deserved more attention than it got. The characters were just… weird rockers! They never spoke, and even in the cutscenes they only made random noises, like "Umale nye!" for "I want to produce music!" The news reader was just like "Scooby dop boop shawap doo, deebe da bop bop!" or something along those lines! They were HILARIOUS! And that’s what made them GOOD! They brought out feelings of amusement! The gameplay is brilliant, fun solo play, EXTREMELY fun co-op play, and EXTREMELY fun rivalry going on in competitive play! Battle Mode is crap if you’re on different difficulty levels, though, usually the one with the lowest skill ends up winning. Like me and Ped, he was on Medium, I was on Expert. Every time I used a powerup, the furthest he’d go in the Rock Meter is yellow before the powerup ran out. With me, he’d use the same powerup and I’d go into FLASHING RED! When we DID get to sudden death, we’d both get Death Drain at the same time, use it at the exact same time, and miss no notes between us, and I WOULD LOSE! So every time we went to Sudden Death, we just called it a draw.
 
And now, Guitar Hero 4 has been announced! EEEE! And with Rock Band coming next year and Christmas tomorrow, I feel I’m gonna crap myself with excitement!!
 
Earkay, I’d better go now, it’s pretty damned late. Specky Christmas! BYE!
 
(PS: A question, not a very nice one, but I still need to know; does the word "retch" mean "to throw up" or "to nearly throw up", or neither of these things? If anyone knows, can ya tell me? Thanks-a-rooney!)